WAMTEC Visitors' Week, 1996 (Part 2)

I arrived at the Kelly Marcus ranch on Monday afternoon (Nov. 4) at about 1 pm. Kelly himself was the first to greet me at the door. He was very friendly and introduced me to the cast and crew and fellow visitors. Kelly's cast-- six British models-- were out back, sunning themselves naked by his pool. Now, I had been pretty exhausted after having bicycled 10 miles there and finally finding his place. So, I was a little mentally numb to the sudden fact that I was now in the actual live presence of the six most gorgeous, spine-tinglingly sexy models I have ever seen in my life. I was very graciously introduced to Joanne, Sammi, Keeley, Lisa D., Lisa V. and Tracie. Now, I the only one I had never seen before was Tracie. I was very thrilled and excited to shake hands with the SSS stars I recognized: Lisa D. ("Jungle Jane"), Joanne ("Hot Water", "Agent H20"), Sammi ("Samantha's Secret") Keeley ("Pie-Er-Cise", "Buccaneer Babes"), and Lisa V. (SSS 8) There were two astonishing visual facts that immdeiately caught my attention: 1) Their skin was the most perfectly clear and blemish-free skin I had ever seen in my life. Their bodies were perfectly shaped, smoother than anything that I think science could create. Though I like fair-skinned women with or without tans, their tans were absolutely perfect. Throughout the week, I often found myself confused and wondering if the models were wearing pantyhose or not, as their smooth, tanned legs looked as though they had hosiery on. Kelly's models were absolutely beautiful and gorgeous even more in real-life than in the videotapes. I could tell it would be a great week even if nothing happened and I just sat there chatting with them all day long. Fortunately, much happened.  2) The models, as well as the pool, looked a great deal smaller in real-life than in the videotapes. This really shocked me. I guess I should have known, since wide-angle lenses make everything look larger in the videotapes. I was surprised at how short the models actually are. This, in no way, detracted from their knock-out beauty. I actually expected Joanne, for instance, to be over 6 feet tall. She's shorter than me (I'm 5' 11") by a bit. Regarding the pool, I immediately thought to myself how wonderfully creative Kelly and his editor have been [may I use real names, Kelly?] in using the pool in so many scenes and making it look different and very big every time. I was grateful for the pool later in the week for cooling down after my long bike rides there.

WAMTEC Visitors' Week, 1996, Part 3

All the people there at WAMTEC week were very nice to me. Billie and Lenny were particularly thoughtful about offering me rides. If it were not for Lenny sponsoring the 5 pie events that week, WAMTEC week might not even have existed.  Sean was very friendly and informative about cameras, especially later in the week. Rob, a sponsor of sweater videos, was there to witness the happenings, and was helpful to me later in the week for a ride back to the motel. And, of course, Rob Blaine, was there to operate a camera for the commercial production. So, after some waiting for the models to change, we were ready about 3 pm to start shooting the Monday afternoon pie scene. (I had already missed the one in the morning.) We set up out back, while Sean played a very funky and funny CD of jazzed-up classical music. Lisa D., Lisa V., Keeley, and Tracie got on the back of a pick-up truck, wearing nice carrier/delivery uniforms and shorts. Meanwhile Sammi and Joanne dressed up, sort of like dolls, and stood, holding pies, on the ground. Kelly had opened up perhaps 50 thick, rich white and blue and red and green pies on a table nearby off-camera. It was quite fascinating to watch the dynamics of the film-making process. Sean directed and coaxed the women on the truck to dance and to bend down to receive their pies from Joanne and Sammi. The first to receive her pies was Keeley. As she stepped forward while swaying to the music, Joanne and Sammi each PLASTERED her in the face with a creamy green pie. She was VERY sexy as she laughed after her first pieing that afternoon. Meanwhile, Joanne and Sammi made the cutest expressions while dancing to the music. I believe Lisa D. was next to receive a pie. Already, the dangers of pieings became apparent, as Lisa D. slipped and fell as she walked up to take Keeley's place, causing her not to be thoroughly pied. At least two more of the models would soon suffer the same fate of slipping on the truck. Fortunately, no one was hurt (I think), and they were all having great fun taking their turns sauntering up to the edge of the truck to receive their pie in the face or bum or breasts or crotch or head. For 20-30 intense minutes, this went on as we filmed. Before I had come down to Jupiter, I had imagined that the shoots would last like 3 hours, very slow and methodical, almost to the point of putting me asleep. It was not that way at all. Each scene went in a half hour. It was still a long time to be there holding a camera, especially due to the intense exhiliration of seeing these beautiful models having fun and pieing (and later dunking or syruping) each other. We ALL needed a rest after this much non-stop fun.

WAMTEC Week 1996, Part 4

So, after the round of six models had done pieing each other on the back of the pickup truck, Billie began backing the truck out of the large WAMTEC property.  All the cameramen scooted quickly out of the way, as Sammi, Joanne, both Lisas, Keeley and Tracie continued waving to the cameras. Sammi and Joanne's expressions and facial muggings were absolutely adorable. Billie backed the truck down the driveway and out the white-gated front of the property. They then did the unbelievable: they drove up and down Sandy Run Drive, waving to other vehicles passing by or around them. I did not see how far they went, and all the women's clothes were back on. But, it must have been a hilarious sight to the occasional motorists passing by on this lonely road to see 6 pie-covered beauties waving and dancing on the back of a pickup truck. This went on for about 15 minutes. The truck returned with the models for some final photo shoots as I filmed them. The models then went around the back of the house to shower off. Already, by the first day, I realized WAMTEC Week had been worth all the expense and trouble of getting down there.

WAMTEC Week, 1996, Part 5

Tuesday, November 5 began with rain and continued with rain and ended with rain. Although there were moments we thought it might let up, it basically continued hard and heavy throughout the day. When I woke up at 7 am to hear pounding rain, I was very depressed, for I knew that today had been promised to be a big pie day. I feared all the video shoots might be cancelled for the day.  But, I was not going to take any chances. So, I raced over early to the Kelly house to prepare for any video shoots. I was not disappointed. Three fantastic video shoots were made that day. Although they could not be filmed outdoors as originally planned, the huge Kelly porch provided ample room for entertainment and excitement. First on the agenda was chocolate pudding coverage. Americans Nanette and Dawn joined Brits Tracie, Lisa D. and Lisa V. for a 5-woman roll in thick, black chocolate pudding. A little butterscotch (I think) pudding was thrown into the kiddie pool for added attraction. This shoot lasted for a very intense half hour. Wearing blouses, short skirts, and those ever-present pantyhose, the five models slowly made their way into the slippery, sticky, sweet goo. Although the pudding could only cover half an inch inside the large pool, the models made the most of it, covering themselves from toe to head.  They started rubbing it sensuously onto each others' breasts, and then comically onto each others' faces. The action had to proceed slowly, as Sean gave directions, for it was very easy for the models to slip and hurt themselves, especially afterwards when getting out of the pool and walking on the concrete porch floor. Soon, all five models' hair stuck straight down their sides.  Their comical appearance, as if they had accidentally fallen into this gooey mess, was very sexually appealing. To make it even more exciting, chocolate syrup was added, with the models squirting it into each others' faces and hair and heads and chests. For those into feet, all five models would repeatedly lie on their backs in the pudding and lift their legs, revealing their lovely legs and feet. The chocolate covered EVERY square inch of their pretty feet and legs. I had heard that this was very exciting to some, including myself. I loved the squirting of chocolate syrup into Tracie's face, especially. They pulled this scene off VERY professionally. Lisa D., as always, was the wild one, making everyone laugh with her slapstick energy. I will have to check my tapes. But, I know that both Lisas and Tracie (the Brits) very sexily stripped down to panties before climbing out of the pool to shower off. They looked just as beautiful standing in topless in their panties covered with chocolate after having gotten out of the pool. I was VERY thankful no one slipped and hurt herself. Since this was the only pudding scene for the week, its rarity made it an even more cherished event. Which kind soul sponsored it?

WAMTEC Week, 1996, Part 6

Second event of the day: syrup wrestling with SSS troopers Joanne, Keeley and Sammi. We've all seen these three in action in countless videos, from the SSS series, Aquatape series, other Aqua Entertainment comercial tapes, and "Messy Misses". Joanne has appeared frequently in "Splosh" magazine.  It's nice having "old friends" get together, live, to have a jolly ole' time slipping and sliding and ripping each others' clothes off on the classic blue rubber mat whilst pouring gallons of syrup over each other. Joanne started out in a gold skirt. Sammi was in a full dress. Joanne, Keeley and Sammi posed for the still and motion cameras prior to getting messy, as did all the models prior to each of these wet or messy events. Then, they went at each other: pouring the syrup over each others' stomachs, breasts, and heads. When pouring or smearing any substance over each others' faces or heads (as in the pudding scene), the models very tenderly avoided getting the sticky stuff into another's eyes. Frequently, the models would ask for a paper towel to clear their eyes. Somehow, I was never quite quick enough on the draw to oblige: some other visiting male usually found his way into the syrup or pudding scene to hand the models a towel to clear their eyes or blow their noses. But, I was happy enough just to be filming. Fortunately, this syrup scene, like most of the scenes shot this week, were done without recording sound. So, I and others did not have to resist the urge to laugh and giggle along with the girls in their merriment at their sticky and comical predicament. Keeley wore bright red panties, which became apparent after her pantyhose were ripped off. Joanne and Sammi and Keeley repeatedly slithered and slided over each other, often making perfect swan dives off the mat and onto the hard white concrete floor.  All three models are in wonderful physical shape and did an amazing job of simultaneously staying on the matt as long and often as they did. Their faces shined as each in turn poured a jug of syrup over the other. Keeley did one of her famous splits on the mat. They all tangled up with each other into the most complicated knots. Finally, when all jugs were used, Sammi, Joanne and Keeley took their final poses for the syrup scene on the mat before going for a well-deserved shower.

WAMTEC Week, 1996, Part 7

Third event of Tuesday, November 5, 1996: the cheerleader pie fight! After agonizing over the pouring rain, the crew decided to push forward with the pie fight, at the urging of Kelly Marcus. The pies would not survive the element of aging and heat and humidity for another day, so Marcus was determined to use them. Around 2-3 pm the cast, crew and visitors were sitting around watching "Agent H20 and the Bionic Bimbo" on the big-screen TV, waiting for the cue to start. Sean wanted at least PART of the models to be filmed in the cheerleader outfits while outdoors. So, we found a 10 minute brief dry spell in which the models could go outside for posing. Americans Dawn and Nanette posed as the already-inducted SSS cheerleaders who were ready to induct the six British and one American newbies into SSS cheerleaderhood. The six British were, once again, played by Lisa V., Lisa D., Tracie, Joanne, Sammi, and Keeley. The new American was the very cute and short-locked Melanie. Sean directed Nanette and Dawn to welcome the seven others into the house as they showed up at the door in their street clothes. After making their "hellos", the British soon-to-be cheerleaders (soon-to-be-pied cheerleaders) changed from street clothes into the SSS cheerleader outfits, wearing very sexy white cotton panties and acting very silly. All the models were very good at faking their innocence about their very messy fate in a few minutes. After the six British had changed and Melanie came back to the room changed in their uniforms, all nine women trotted out to the front of the house for some more posing, cheerleader kicks, and, what else ?, cheering. It was the nick of time, when the rains came down again. Fortunately, everyone, I believe, got in their photo and video shots of the clean cheerleaders.

WAMTEC Week, 1996 - part 8

Seven pies for seven soon-to-be cheerleaders were layed out on seven chairs in the porch. The rain never quite subsided, so shooting had to continue inside. Camera operators scrambled for their cherished places around the tight confines of the porch walls and the pool table. The cheerleader outfits were beautiful! Bravo to the designer and maker of these glorious costumes! The seven cheerleader wannabees wore two-piece suits. The bottoms were very heavily pleated gold-and-blue short skirts. The tops were very long-sleeved, blue in the back, gold in the front, and with white striping around, and with that infamous "SSS" logo emblazoned in white on the front. These tops would make any sweater lover, including myself, drool. Meanwhile, the American cheerleader inductors, Dawn and Nanette, wore one-piece outfits, in blue and white and with gold SSS letters in front. All nine women wore white socks and sneakers: ideal for the foot fetishist (I hope!). Blue-and-white pom-poms completed the wardrobe. In the background, Kelly gracefully and surgically removed all the pies from the aluminum pans and lovingly layed them out like ammunition in an arsenal on a table. The pom-poms were discarded. Sean directed all nine women to make their way to their seats in the following order from left to right: Melanie, Joanne, Tracie, Keeley, Lisa D., Sammi, and Lisa V. Each of them very easily pretended to be ditzy. Since Melanie was a pie virgin, it seemed that the crew and the other girls wanted to induct her first. So, Mel was the first to sit squarely onto the pie on her chair. Then followed the others in the order above, each trying to "out-squish" the previous model to her right. Poor Lisa V. squished so well and so hard that she found herself nearly permanently stuck to the chair! Now, American Melanie bravely resisted the evil corrupting influences of her British cheerleading counterparts to flash her panties. Fortunately, the British resisted Melanie's morals and flashed away to the delight of panty fans everywhere. After the pie-sitting came the true de-flowering of the pie virgin: the pie in the face.  Nanette and Dawn took turns pieing each of the models in turn, with Nanette starting with Melanie and ending with Lisa V. Beautiful all-white pies, care of Mr. Lenny, smushed and splattered all over seven beautiful stoic faces as camera lenses zoomed in for telescopic view. Then came a pie helmet for each of the seven seated beauties. Then came a pie or two to the mammary glands of each of the models. Somewhere in the confusion, a pie had found its way onto Kelly. Bad pie! Save them for the girls! Soon it would be Nanette's and Dawn's turn to be on the receiving end of the pies. Now, what made this occasion so special was the fact that, not only would this be their first pie-ing, BUT, Nanette and Dawn were both Hawaiian Tropic constestants: one a winner and the other a runner up! (I don't know who was whom.) So, real-life beauty contestants would be losing their pie virginity today as well! Lisa D. nailed Nanette, and Keeley, in her adorable double pig-tails, nailed Dawn in the face. By this time, all the models had grown restless and were proceeding to the back table to pick up sweet ammunition. Nanette and Dawn were each given the simultaneous bum-shot by, I believe, Sammi and Lisa V. The Americans wore blue panties. Though standing only two meters from all the action, I still could not tell whether the models were wearing pantyhose (YAY! from the pantyhose fans; BOO! from the bare-legs fans) or not (reverse the "YAY!" and "BOO!"). All the models' legs were so smooth and tanned and sexy that I could not tell, and, for the first time in my SSS life, I did not care. The seven chairs were pulled back out of the way to make room for the inevitable free-for-all. Soon, Tuesday afternoon had degenerated into pies being hurled and smushed and placed on every conceivable, and not-so-conceivable, body parts of the nine women.  Every one of them got thoroughly caked, smeared, and covered in sticky white frosting. The action took place in nearly the blink of an eye. Keeping up with every great pie hit on camera was an impossible task. Ideally, a camera is needed to track each model, as Sean and his camera try to do. The models were very thoughtful about not throwing pies AT the cameras in revenge or by accident. I was not so lucky with the pudding scene earlier that day, when my camcorder caught some ricocheted chocolate pudding. As this would be the last I'd see of the Americans Nanette, Dawn, and Melanie in a messy scene, I should give them special thanks and consideraton at this point. I was grateful that they decided to join the messy festivities for the week. And, I thank Stan for bringing them along! All too quickly, the pies had been used up. Some attempt to use pie material on the floor was made, but the floor was too slippery and hard for much to happen in the way of wrestling. The models took final still poses for all those who had brought still cameras, including some final bum flashes.  Somehow, and for some reason, Kelly was dragged by the models into the pile of pie mess on the floor of his OWN house. I wouldn't have stood for that! (Now, lying down, I would...) After the models had gone back to clean off out of the watchful eye of the cameras, a new and startling development took place on the porch floor in the pile of pie mess. A new woman, the American Ally, showed up to meet her friend, Mel, only to be accosted and wrestled to the ground in the pie mess. Ally may have missed all direct pie assaults just minutes earlier, but her friend Melanie made sure that Ally would not leave that porch that afternoon without requiring a shower. This rather vicious wrestling scene took place for fifteen minutes, perhaps, on the hard, porch floor. (Ouch!) Melanie was covered head to toe in pies and was determined that Ally look the same.  Well, that was the first and last scene for this week Melanie would be in. From what I've heard, she greatly enjoyed her first pie experience. Either that, or she hated it but was a very good actress. Anyway, it was a fun time having her. The other Americans: Nanette, Dawn, and Ally would make their appearance one more time the next day on the dunk tank, and Ally one time after that at the pool party.

WAMTEC Week, 1996 - Part 9

between 10:00 and 11:00 E.S.T. The day started out, and much continued, warm and sunny, perfect drying weather for the wet activities soon to follow. Operation Aldrich (a.k.a. Operation Dunk Tank) was about to commence. The troops were ready: a detachment of six British superbabes had joined forces with a unit of three amphibious American models to answer deep, penetrating questions and get really, really wet. All models wore pantyhose, presumably coz it would keep their legs dry. (just kidding) All nine beauties stood dry for some pre-game posing for the paparazzi. Tracie played the quiz show host. She was dressed in a beautiful short white dress and high white heels. The cheerleader outfits in the previous day's wonderful pie fight had been resurrected for use for the other models. Americans Nanette and Dawn repeated their cheerleader costumes: the blue-and-white with the SSS gold, collegiate lettering, white socks and sneakers, and pantyhose. Ally played the hapless assistant, who seemed to be more affected by gravity than the rest of us. Ally, who has a petite size and short black hair, wore a beautiful, slinky, sleeveless black dress, down to the ankles, and black high-heeled shoes. Lisa D. wore a copy of the blue-and-white cheerleader outfit that Nanette and Dawn wore. Lisa V., Keeley, Joanne, and Sammi wore yesterday's gold, pleated cheerleader skirts. But, for their upper halves, they wore white cotton, short-sleeved shirts. Again, the SSS troops all wore lovely white panties and (sigh) pantyhose. (OK, OK -- I've actually gotten to tolerate pantyhose. Not love. Just tolerate.) The dunk tank water was a beautiful, emerald green. It was made from some of the finest pool and drinking water in Florida. Credit must be given to the dunk tank water, for something that green must surely be alive.  The dunk tank itself sat inches away from the SSS Naval Training Academy (i.e. the pool). Surprisingly, I thought I had heard a lot of these same questions in a previous SSS gameshow. "Splattermatch", perhaps? However, unlike in "Splattermatch", I never seemed to quite hear the answers to the questions before the women were rudely dunked by Tracie. Unlike Splattermatch's Wilkinson at the helm, Tracie was a bit faster paced, a little less forgiving, and a whole lot prettier. Corporal Tracie began the operation by demonstrating on Ally exactly what would happen when the troops incorrectly answered a question. Ally was all lined up over the tank when Tracie smashed the big red button of the tank with her hand: SPLASH!! Ally went in. And she hadn't even answered a question incorrectly! Soon, all the cheerleaders/ dunkettes took their turns on the seat of the dunk tank. Each of them took a turn just sitting on the dunk-seat without going in, again for more pre-dunk photo-ops, to build tension, and, well, just to waste a whole bunch of time! But, soon we got to the first contestant, tall, blonde beautiful Joanne. She went in after failing a question about the length of a blue whale's penis. Sorry, Jo! You really should have known the answer to that question! Next, Nanette, with beautiful blonde hair, failed some question about duration of intercourse, possibly about some member of the animal kingdom. (Now, why would anyone think these women would know the answers to a question like that?) Nanette was soon floating at the bottom of the dunk tank. Next came Sammi, who also has a gorgeous mound of blonde hair. She went into the dunk tank after failing a question about Latin and male sex organs, or males and Latin sex organs, or something like that. You should have studied Latin better in school, Sammi! Sultry, brunette Dawn was unjustly given another chance at NOT being dunked. Blonde but shorter-haired Keeley went in after failing some question about countries. And, in between each of these questions, our ally Ally entertained us by repeatedly falling into the SSS Naval Training Apparatus. Too bad that the dunk tank was situated so close to the pool. From this point on, things became rather chaotic. Many repeated dunkings, occuring even before the questions were fully asked, let alone answered, became the standard way of getting the girls wet. Now, as with all Aqua Entertainment, SSS, or WAMTEC productions, only the best equipment is  used, if it's not already lying around the house. In particular, the dunk tank had a semi-clear front, so all the underwater action could be seen. As each model went, each skirt went up, revealing beautiful white panties. Models who waved to the cameras (or to me?) while submerged, while their bodies and clothes undulated in the soaking deluge, earned a special place in my soul that day.  Round and round and round and .... it went: beautiful model dunking beautiful model, with Ally losing her grip on the tank each time and falling into the pool, climbing out, and doing it all over again. Unfortunately, this cost her her job as Dunk Tank sidekick. Tracie put on a great performance as a very irritated host. Her sweet, high-pitched piercing voice chided Ally for her constant mishaps in the pool and banished her from the remainder of the dunk tank quiz show. Coincidentally, Ally had to leave for work, anyway. So, things worked out nicely. I found it quite interesting that Sean's directions about which cast members were suppose to appear or not appear in scenes exactly coincided with each cast member's personal schedule. One could not ask for better luck that week! Tracie managed to stay dry throughout the first 40 minutes. However, in spite of the photographers' and camera operators' and other male attendees' desperate pleas to keep Tracie dry, the overwhelming collective urge for revenge by the other models could not be contained. The seven remaining models escorted the elegant Tracie up the cold, metal steps of the dunk tank, seated her properly, and asked her the IQ test question of the century: "What does the "S" stand for in "SSS" ?"  (I don't know if she was asked WHICH "S".) Barely had she gotten the chance to answer it, than the other seven wet ones shouted in unison, "SUBMERGED!". Someone hit the big red button. And Tracie was SUBMERGED, soaked, sopping, and sexy! (I'm not sure if she really knew what the "S" stood for, or if she was, yet again, very good at faking it.) Throughout this quiz show, it seemed that Billie was having trouble with his camera lens, as he had to get up very close to the models as they climbed down from the dunk tank, and that the camera could only be operated while pointing upwards. Poor Billie! I hope you got your camera fixed! Somehow, Tracie, Joanne, Sammi, Lisa V., Lisa D., Keeley, Nanette and Dawn all ended up in the pool, swimming around in their cheerleader outfits and all, having a grand time. The sun made me, a non-Floridian, quite hot and very tempted to use the pool. These eight lovely ladies made me only more tempted to. The morning ended with Operation  Cheerleader Drop being a big splash and a big success. Some final posings and photos and videos were taken of the models as they climbed out of the pool.  Meanwhile, Sammi, Joanne, and Keeley were busy doing quick u/w shots with that master of u/w photography, Steve. For the first time I really got to see how long these SSSeals could hold their breathes, AND look gorgeous doing it! You looked great, too, Steve, no offense. I just didn't have my u/w water camera handy to film you, too. Actually, I WOULD like to have seen how that u/w camera worked. After the six British models went inside to change, Nanette and Dawn dressed up in electric red hot pants and white athletic tops for some very nice poolside photos. This would be the last time I'd see Nanette and Dawn. So, I wish these Hawaiian Tropic supermodels best wishes in their careers, and hope that they continue to show up to do many more wet and (especially) messy scenes in the future.

WAMTEC Week, 1996 - Part 10

(The Pool Party) I went back Wednesday afternoon, November 6, 1996, to do a much needed laundry, while the models took a much needed rest. I was excited about events to come that evening and was thrilled when my ride, thanks to Lenny, came in time for the scheduled 7:30 pm shooting of "The Pool Party". I decided to dress a little more "formally" (= "a tie") that evening. Though, in retrospect, there would have been a lot of other things I wish I had brought (e.g. better music), the tie would play an integral role later that night in certain ritualistic sex-related punishments. A sextet of one American and five British babes, in alphabetical order: Ally, Joanne, Keeley, Lisa D.,  Sammi, and Tracie were dolled up in the most gorgeous outfits that SSS money could buy. I don't know where Lisa V. was at the time: I wish she had been there. I will have to spend much time and space here methodically and undramatically describing each outfit, if I wish to do them justice. Ally worn a 1920s flapper-style outfit, all in blue. It consisted of 2 pieces. The top was a sleeveless, with lots of bluish sparkles on it. The bottom was a short blue skirt, also with bluish sparkles. She worn black pantyhose, but not thick. She wore black high heels. Joanne wore a hot red body suit with a wrap-around skirt, which made a V-shape in the front. The top of this body suit had long sleeves. The skirt had its edges studded with very silvery sparkles. Joanne wore a stole of these same very silvery sparkles. Her pantyhose were quite dark, and her high-heeled shoes were very black and very high, making the already 6-foot tall Joanne look 6-foot-5 inches! (Warning: Joannes in camera lenses may look bigger than they really are!) Joanne's uniform looked almost like the Bionic Bimbo uniform. Keeley and Lisa V. were dressed as fairies, or pixies. Both wore white body suits with attached, very sheer, filmy white skirts. Both outfits were sleveless, but Lisa D's top was held up by two very tenuous straps. Both wore pantyhose. Both wore high white heels. Lisa's outfit had silvery sparkles criss-crossing in front. Lisa's outfit was the first that evening to be discarded. Sammi wore a black wrap-around top, showing the navel, with very short sleeves. Her "skirt" consisted of black strings just hanging down to her things, held up by a black-sparkly waist-band. Her pantyhose were brown, which she wore over black panties. Finally, Tracie wore a 1920s flapper-style hot pink dress, with an open front. (Thank God our women aren't flappers anymore!) She wore a hot pink collar (or it was part of the dress), long sleeves with lots of sparkles down their lengths and onto the backs of the shoulders. The skirt, like Sammi's, consisted of lots of strings, these ones all in hot pink. Her light baise pantyhose did not hide her white panties. A pink ribbon in her long blonde hair topped off the apparel. The usual pre-water obligatory posing for still photographs occurred. I took some quick video shots of me with Sammi and Tracie to prove that I, indeed, was at Kelly's pool party, and not committing any number of murders in the Florida region at the time. Thank you, Sammi and Tracie! Somehow, Lenny kept getting himself caught on film with each of these beauties. Personally, I was glad I wasted no more footage on myself than I already did for that week. After the posing was done, the cameras were ready for serious rolling. The hot, bright floodlights increased the tension of the moment. From the models' perspective, none of us horny guys (or serious researchers), out there in the black of infinity of the cameraman's lair, could be seen through the blaze of lights. All eyes, literally, could only be on the models. The dunk tank was sitting patiently by the pool, with its emerald water just waiting for the first woman to fall into its wet lap. Our director gave his directions: "Everyone gets dunked twice. Then it's total free-for-all!" What directions! What action! What concern for minutiae! Here was our next Stanley Kubrick! And, he was a wet and messy fan! I can easily imagine that these models need their rest from so many shoots. This visitors' week was just a fifth or a tenth of all the shoots they would be doing for their five weeks in the States. I would probably miss every other water shoot due to constant fatigue or earaches. So, I figured that that's why Lisa V. was off for this session. But, I was disappointed in the absence of Louise L'Amour, who was originally scheduled to show up for both the pool party this evening and the dunk tank session that morning. My disappointment was a result of the belief, "The more, the merrier!".  As much as fun as it may have been to dunk Louise repeatedly, we were about to have plenty of wet fun on our own. Showtime! The bar, barstools, and champagne and liquor bottles were probably thinking, "Here we go again!  We gotta sit here and get wet while these party crazies trash us and suck our necks dry. Guess we shouldn't complain, though, considering they're giving us great hickies." Just for fun, I thought I'd tell this evening's pool party from one of the models' perspective. For example, Lisa D.'s. "Everybody, up on the dunk tank! Yaaaay!! Here's some grapefruit for you, Tracie!"  Hundreds of grapefruits littered the WAMTEC estate from the nearby grapefruit trees. These grapefruits had perfect weight and size for throwing at the dunk tank button. "More champagne! Come on, fill my cup! I'm not even drunk yet! You wouldn't DARE dunk me! AAAGHHH! (high-pitched scream) You DID dunk me, didn't you?! I'll get you for that!" Lisa crawls out of the dunk tunk, sopping and wet in her white "fairy" outfit. "My cup's nearly empty, and so's the bottle. Time to open another one: let's open another one. Come on, Sammi, help me here!" After 15 minutes of struggle with the rapidly depleting bottles of champagne, Lisa D. and Sammi manage to open a spouting, foaming bottle of booze. "Look, everybody! Keeley's sprouted a penis! Keeley's getting an erection!" Keeley's holder one of the very long foam WHAPPERS between her legs. "AGGHHH! Stop whapping me, Keeley!"  The girls start whapping each other with the long, foam whappers. "This alligator is too SLOW! Giddyap, alligator!" Lisa rides the infamous green alligator ("Jo's Nightmare", SSS 2) back and forth the pool deck. "Ride 'em, alli! UUGHH! This mother is huge. I gotta get off." Lisa dismounts the green alligator. Soon she is off and pestering the other models again, dancing in time to the music. "Macarena!" Soon, all the models are topless and dancing the Macarena. But, some bonehead decides to cut the music short. "Oh, why'd you do that? I was just about to pull my knickers off, when turned the CD player off!" Another song was put on, and the models were quickly off dirty dancing and stripping in rythym to the music. Triplets and duos of Joanne, Tracie, Lisa D., Keeley, and Sammi were stripping, dancing, and prancing around on deck, linking and unlinking their bodies (but without real physical contact) into knots I don't even think topologists have classified yet. "Muscles from Brussels" Keeley did her famous, award-winning mid-air leg splits, as well as regular splits. (Well, I would make an Academy Award category for leg splits.) Soon, all the champagne was gone, so the models had to make their own fun. Female-projectile launches into the pool, either self-launches or by another party, commenced.  Mr. Anton was ready and waiting in the pool with his famous u/w camera to capture any action that may occur underneath the surface. Keeley and Lisa, then Sammi and Joanne went under for water shoots. Little attention was made to NOT drawing attention to ourselves by neighbors as fireworks were sent up. The kiddie pool, which had the previous day made its appearance in the pudding scene, was now the site for some hot female-female simulated sexual activity.  At one point in the filming, the very gentlemanly Billie asked if I'd like to "play bartender". Well, after seeing myself in my own home videos, I think we will all agree with Mr. Oberon's decision that I NOT appear in any videos.  Personally, the other good-customer visitor, Mike, was much better dressed to be "bartender": garrish tropical shirt, tourist-type pants: he  definitely fit in with the Florida/tropical milieu that week. Besides, he had earned that privilege more than me, since he had DRIVEN down from Chicago.  But, he, too, was denied a cameo. Allie had to leave early Wednesday night for work the next day. Besides, she would have felt uncomfortable once the British models started going nekkid. Strangely, I did not share this feeling. We said "goodbye" and told her that we appreciated her help. It was a shame she never got to be blasted this week with those wonderful butter-cream pies c/o Lenny, like she wanted. I think, though, she will always have a chance at that again with this crowd. The party (and the fun) continued even after the filming stopped. I thanked the five models for their help in my research testing the thermal conductivity of water. They were all now in their birthday suits. For an hour or two, a definite lull ensued: the models needed a rest after the shoot. We all sat around talking with each other. Again, I would love to have taken candid videos of these off-screen moments, but I didn't want this very friendly week to turn into Invasion of the Paparazzi. Hence, I must go on memory for the remainder of the party. Lovely Tracie and hunky Mike sat and soaked a long time in the historical WAMTEC hot tub. I put in a good word to the Jupiter Chamber of Commerce on behalf of the hot tub that it be turned into a historical site.  It was certainly a lot more comfortable than the ocean. In fact, I think, this might have been the very first time I had EVER been in a hot tub. Naked Tracie and Mike chatted each other up. Topics included one of Tracie's videos/photo(?) sessions for Splosh involving baked beans, porridge, and syrup, as well as Mike's continuous 1300-mile drive there. Tracie has no trouble relaxing and talking in front of a camera for long periods of time. Messy Fun Rob and I and Kelly let the cameras roll on this happy pair as they bobbed up and down in the water-jet currents. Like ALL of Mark's props and actresses there this week, the hot tub was smaller than I had expected. It makes me wonder how five lovely ladies (Dawn, Amanda, Iva, Joanne, and Gil) could have fit into this tub in SSS 2. Makes me wish I had been the drain! A sudden emergency arose: Tracie was out of champagne!! Several guys, myself included, rushed to give support for Tracie-Aid, as we fumbled and stumbled around, trying to soak every last gram of champagne off the pool deck and squeeze it out of wet bathing suits to give her one final drink. I was the lucky final Olympic torch-holder, getting to carry the flaming drink to the Greek Goddess herself. Poor Lisa V. was inside sick, with a swollen throat and a flu, I had later learned. All the soaking and swimming and dunking had taken their toll on little Lisa. I was very glad to have her back the next two days for some wacky pie videos. The models and visitors continued chatting inside. The u/w cameraman, Steve, was still taking some candid shots of everyone. Eventually, Tracie and Mike left the hot tub.  So, I took my turn in it, fully clothed. I was there only a minute or two, when beautiful, naked Sammi got in it with me! Fortunately, I resisted the urge to tell her to go away (grin), and let her stay instead. Ahhh!! Finally, up close and personal! Sammi and I finally got to do our own version of "Hot Water". I still could not bring myself to ask as penetrating questions as Joanne had asked of Micki in the "Hot Water" episode of SSS 4. Luckily, Sammi started the conversation by asking me about what I was doing. As I answered, I played foot bondage with Sammi's feet and my ugly tie. Then, of course, I asked about her. I found out about her aspirations in law and her part ownership in her father's modelling agency. It's amazing that water is a very good truth serum. People seem to very easily confess when they are sitting naked in a tub of water and drinking booze. Perhaps, Sammi has hit upon a new way of getting the truth out of people in a court of law. Too bad I couldn't get this wonderful moment captured on film. In a few minutes, Lenny came by to upset the equilibrium and to add his mass to the hot tub. Poor Lenny was getting rather soused. Lenny and Sammi were getting quite comfortable together, especially when the conversation turned to Lenny taking the actresses out shopping on Saturday or Sunday after visitors' week was over. Lenny brought out the best in people, even if "the best in people" meant "people throwing the best pies at people". When Lenny's blood content dropped to 5% (that's the amount of blood in his alcohol), he got out of the tub and took up a hospital bed on the pool diving board. Meanwhile, I found out one thing about hot tubs: if you stay long enough in them, you get HOT. So, I got out and decided to cool off in the pool. The WAMTEC crowd seemed to be mellowing out. This time, though, I wore my swimsuit. I decided to let my clothes dry off.  Since I was getting wet anyway, I asked the assistance of Lenny to try dunking me on the dunk tank. Lenny has very good aim with grapefruits. So, I did not have long to wait before splashdown. Each time I was dunked, the dunk-tank seat would slap me in the back. So, by the 4-th dunking I had had enough. But, the other wammers were coming out, too, to dunk each other. This time, it was the ladies' revenge on all us guys who had enjoyed seeing the ladies dunked in the morning. Lenny, the ole' submarine himself, was a favorite target of the actresses. Then, of course, Steven went in a few times (without his u/w camera, of course: now THAT would have been interesting: a camera eye's view from the dunkee's position). Tropical Mike went in a few times at Tracie's beckoning.  Joanne came out in a very sexy white-blouse and white frilly panties. A few more firework-sparklers were set off. Then, the action died down a second time, after the women had their revenge on the guys with the dunktank. Lenny went back to his sleeping position on the diving board. Needless to say, a diving board over a pool is NOT the best place to leave patients. So, Joanne and Sammi played nurses and escorted Mr. Party back into the porch for more permanent storage. Suddenly it dawned upon me: my ride home was wasted, and I'd have to stay the night with these lovely ladies. Luckily Rob, the Sweaterman (not to be confused with Messy Fun Rob), offered to drive me to my hotel. The hazards of a wet and messy week became apparent. I would hardly call the next hour "rowdy", but within that hour, my camcorder fell over and broke. Mr. Oberon very astutely and quickly told me what had broken. Instantly, Sammi gave me a quick lesson in proper tripod procedure. Looking into her sweet eyes, I could not help but be mesmerized by her words and by the way she gave firm yet gentle instructions. Next within that same hour, Tracie slipped and hit her head on the sliding glass porch door. It scared everyone, but she was all right. If it were not for the relatively "soft" glass door, her head would have hit the hard concrete. I am sure she would then have sustained some bad injuries. Billie came to her rescue, since he saw the whole thing happen.  Meanwhile, I had put my semi-wet clothes back, thinking all was over for the night, especially since accidents had started happening. So, in the kitchen I sat and watched some of the raw video footage of the Monday morning pie session I had missed. In this scene in the porch, each beautiful model, donned in nice dresses, delivered luscious multi-colored pies to their own faces and to bums and boobs and heads. I wish I had made it there. Suddenly, someone moved the kitchen table, and a bottle of red wine went crashing to the floor. It was NOT the best time for me to be walking barefoot in the house. (But, I obeyed Kelly's rules about not messing up the floor with my shoes.) So this meant only ONE thing: MORE WORK FOR MR. KELLY! We all played "find the bits of broken glass". I was lucky that I did not step in any of it, though that is usually how I find it. With Kelly cleaning up probably the three hundredth accident since his models had come to the US weeks before, the happy party atmosphere continued. Well, I was worried that, due to these three accidents, I perhaps should be going. As I put my tie back on (it was wet, so I didn't want to put it into my camera bag) Messy Fun Rob asked me why I had worn a tie. After explaining my position (something crazy about my having to look good if Sunsplash Superstar Louise L'Amour showed up), I was suddenly simultaneously accosted by both Tracie and Sammi, one of whom wanted me in the hot tub and the other in the pool. Talk about my bad timing getting dressed again! I'm sure that happens to the models all the time: they think they're done with a  wetlook scene, they go to dry off, then some bozo with a camera comes out again and tells them they're not done, that he just went in to change the roll of film. Anyway, Tracie and Sammi led me outside, claiming they wanted to talk with me about something. SPLASH! I was hurled into the pool, fully clothed, glasses and all! Tracie and Sammi then dived in after me. I instantly realized that the true, unofficial pool party was most definitely NOT over. The party now spilled over both the pool and the porch. A quote from Admiral John Paul Jones would be appropriate here: "I have not yet begun to party!"  Beautiful, soft-skinned Tracie and Sammi were floating in the pool beside me.  Soon, more feminine female bodies were throwing themselves into the pool.  Gold-medal swimmer Joanne would never let anyone else "outpool" her, so she was soon in. The next thing I knew, a gigantic kiddie pool was thrown on top of my head, then sumptuous Keeley and perky Lisa D. piled into the pool on top of that. Throw in a few grapefruits, some foam whappers, a nerf football, an alligator, and (my favorite, grin) a blowup doll and, voila'!: WAMTEC salad! As Mike and Steve and Billie added themselves to the salad, I managed to break away from the confusion. Now, remember I mentioned over 300 lines back about my tie being used for sex-related ritualistic punishments? Well, Mistress Tracie immediatley commandeered my tied and began whapping the rather rotund behind of Lenny, who had been propped up on one of Kelly's nice porch chairs with his butt facing outward. Tracie whipped and punished our Great Pie Sponsor to the delight of us onlookers. I don't know if Lenny felt anything, or if he was too anesthesized from alcohol. Would he die of embarrassment if he woke up? Tracie wasn't waiting to find out. SLAP! SLAP! WHIP!! She even did me, too, as a sort of "test-whip". Steve raced to capture these intriguing moments on film. But, my tie was no match for the weapons of butt-whipping destruction  and humiliation yet to be unleashed. PANTYHOSE!!! Tons and tons of PANTYHOSE!  Well, any more than zero pantyhose seemed like tons and tons! Now, shy Messy Fun Rob and shy Sweaterman Rob had sort of been "wet towels" to this point in the party. I guess they felt they could get away with it, since there weren't enough "ties" for everybody. But, with the sudden influx of pantyhose, with plenty to go around, they were suddenly obliged to participate. Suddenly, I found myself punished and humiliated by being forced by Sammi to don the world's ugliest pantyhose. Here I was, an innocent male bystander, a tireless protestor AGAINST the use of pantyhose being worn by women, and *I* was being punished for all the past crimes that certain men had inflicted on these beautiful models by making them wear pantyhose! And, whom, pray tell, might have been such bad men? My pantyhose barely made it over my knees. As for the two Robs, they were in an even worse state. Pantyhose that would not go over their legs and thighs were thrust over their heads and other body parts that would fit. No, not THAT body part. Soon, all the men were suffocating in pantyhose. Perhaps, like Jill Masterson in "Goldfinger" one could die of pantyhose poisoning. It sure felt like it! Perhaps, someone thought that sweaters could even things out. So, suddenly SWEATERS were being thrust upon everybody. The rock and funk music picked up the beat and the heat. I knew some of us would end up in the pool again to cool off. I don't know if this was Sweaterman Rob's idea or not. But, he was certainly doing nothing to stop it, as he, Kelly, Billie, the other Rob, and I danced ourselves silly in time to the music. What pantyhose would not go on the guys went on the gals. Fiesty Lisa D. had a pair put over her head. Secretly, I tied the hose over her head together with the hose over mine, just to see what happened. What happened was a new version of "Twister". All nine guys (Billie, Rob, Rob, Steve, Mark, Sean, Mike, myself, with Lenny serving as a sort of anchor) and all five gals were enmeshed in the world's biggest human-pantyhose-sweater knot. And, we danced quite well that way, too! It was THE pinnacle of excitement for the night, and possibly of visitors' week. Many butts and breasts and back and bellybuttons were whipped with the remaining pantyhose. Another historical moment arose. The famous red pantyhose worn by Micki in SSS 7's "The Cereal Killer" sang their swan song when Mark, himself, put them on for their final appearance on human flesh. Though Mark failed to recreate the appearance that Micki had made with them in "The Cereal Killer", he DID create a rather memorable impression in them. I am not sure, though, if that impression will enable me to LIKE pantyhose or to hate them even more.  After unknotting ourselves, the women decided that we men STILL had not had enough punishment and degradation. So, they jammed women's high-heeled shoes on our feet (as best they could) and carted us pantyhosed guys out to the diving board and dunk tank. Tracie insisted I and Mike go through the dunk tank whilst in pantyhose. So, I agreed. And, Mike agreed. I found myself soon in the pool. I honestly cannot recall which of the other guys went in. I am pretty certain Mike and Billie went in. Lenny still slept. I don't recall about Sean, Mark and the two Robs. I was covered with naked Joanne, and naked Keeley in the floating kiddie pool. That circular floating liferaft easily built up angular momentum when spun around. Grapefruit and pool toys were hurled at us and by us to Lisa D. and Sammi and Tracie on deck. Though I didn't drink, I remember the rest of that night (til 2 am) as one big, happy blur. I took a few dives to the bottom of the deep-end: 12 feet. For at least an hour, we dove and swam and splashed and dunked, got out, started to dry out, then spoiled it all by getting wet again. Hot and cold, wet and dry, we frolicked beneath the clear black mild Florida sky with its little stars. Such a beautiful time. I am ever thankful that I had the opportunity to be part of it. I don't recall much about what made me decide that it was finally time to go back to my hotel. Perhaps, it was when all the leggy lovelies left the pool. I didn't want to be left alone in the drink. I knew that they needed their rest, as they had been keeping up this frantic pace ever since they landed in the States 3 weeks prior. Seeing as Lenny was not going to budge, and, frankly, I didn't care much for his driving when he WAS sober, Sweaterman Rob (sorry to have to identify you this way, unless I use your full real name) kindly drove me the nine miles back to my hotel at 2 am.  I had much to do the next day, Thursday: rent a camera by morning in time for the afternoon pie shoot. More fun and hijinks were yet to come, and I was determined to capture it on film, not that my very shaky footage is pleasant to watch. It's not: you'd all go dizzy. But, it was the easiest way to keep a diary of the events that week. It has become obvious that, those events that I failed to capture on film, tend to fall dissolve into the lost memory of the past. Hence, my details of the latter part of Wednesday night's pool party, such as when the pantyhose came out, and after I had broken my camera, may capture the spirit, rather than exact historical details. But, I had a nobler cause in mind, to report back to YOU, the internet wammer, my anthropological findings. Oh, I am SO noble. grin

WAMTEC Week, 1996 - Part 11

"Robert Palmer, Monty Python. Monty Python, Robert Palmer." I woke up early on Thursday because I had a lot to do and very little time in which to do it. The Good Gods and Goddesses of the Sunshine State were shining their good fortune down upon me as I raced on my bicycle to rent another camcorder. Thank you, unidentified-unless-you- allow-me-to party rental store! I raced off in time for the afternoon shooting activities at the WAMTEC ranch. In the past three days I had grown accustomed to the following scene each day as I rode up on my bike: beautiful naked female actress-models lying on the pool deck sunning themselves whilst camera operators: all right, cameraMEN were busily preparing their wide assortment of cameras, cables, lenses, and batteries. And, in the middle of it all was Mr. Kelly, either sweeping broken glass or vacuuming or running his drying machine non-stop to quickly dry out another 20 kilos of soggy models' clothes. Clearly, some serious hard work had been done Thursday morning, since that huge, heavy dunk tank was gone. The pool was cleared out of toys and garbage and leaves.  Unlike all day Tuesday, and light sprinkles on Wednesday, the final two days of visitors' week would be warm, sunny weather. Also, unlike Wet Tuesday, a neighbor's dog wouldn't follow me to the house. So, I decided to "let my hair down" and sun myself along side the supermodels and superactresses by the side of the pool. Actually, I needed a rest from my ride. I had arrived plenty early: 1:30 pm, so I had time to take some candid shots around the house, too. Sandy, the WAMTEC dog, was usually present all week. But, it seems she understood when a camera was pointed at her. Perhaps she had learned this from having lived in a virtual video studio. So, Sandy took off before I got any clear shots of her cute little fluffy white face and tail. One of the kind female souls (Lisa V.) showed me where the suntan lotion was. This was just a ploy to get one of them to rub some on me, heh, heh. Just kidding. Seriously, I really DID need it, as I hadn't put on any sunscreen in the morning on those parts of my body. I was absolutely DETERMINED not to get sunburned. I never did get sunburned. And, no, none of the models ever DID rub suntan lotion on me.  Everybody go "AWWWW!" I was very glad to see Lisa V. well again from the previous night's flu and ready to do another pie shoot. Weeks before this trip, I had read some small synopsis of Thursday's video shoot. It seems that someone (Mark ?) wanted a spoof of the Robert Palmer music video, "Simply Irresistible", while someone else wanted to spoof the unforgettable "Monty Python" naked-man-sitting- at-organ-out-in-a-field shot. Needless to say, Joanne was built for this role. OK-- not the "man" part, but Joanne certainly captures the Pythonesque silliness and dignity-amongst-total-insanity better than any actress I know. As the ladies and I were "busy" sunning ourselves, and I took intermittent dips in the pool, strange things began appearing on a clearing on the grapefruit-laden WAMTEC lawn. An organ. A sitar. A guitar. Cameras. Cables. A table with a CD-player on it, playing the same songs from the same CD, over and over and over and over. More tables. Then tables with pies. Then more pies. And more pies. And more pies. Then, finally, more pies. Skilled pie-remover Kelly adroitly removed the tins from the thick,  butter-cream pies, and tossed them onto the ground for later disposal. The tins, NOT the pies, for you non-pie mafiosi. Many differently colored, but mostly white, pies filled the tables near the clearing. I decided I had had enough swimming before the shoot: dripping water from my hair and camcorders don't mix. So, I waited while the femme fatales changed into their knock-out costumes. Whilst listening to great moments in videomaking history from Mark and Rob and Sean, I was being hypnotized by the endlessly repeating CD of "Flight of the Bumblebee" and "Up Up and Away". I should say something about this CD and these two musical numbers on it in particular: to this day, three weeks later, I cannot get those tunes, as played on those instruments, out of my head. That jazzed-up rock version of "Bumblebee", and that annoying sitar sound of "Up Up and Away" created a very powerful mental association for me between Jupiter, Florida and those tunes. I certainly DO hope that, whenever the footage from this particular pie shoot, or ANY of the scenes shot during visitors' week, becomes commercially available, that those particular tunes and the other tunes on that CD are used as background music.  Now, I do wish a slightly different location, or, more precisely, ANGLE had been chosen for this shoot. The only good filming position left for me was under the badminton net. Obviously, like all the shoots, I had to be out of the way of the commercial videographers, yet, I could not simultaneously occupy their space-and-time. So, I spent most of my time dodging the badminton net (I didn't want to shoot THROUGH it). The tripod would not have been too useful anyway. Thus, I ended up with the shakest footage I had ever taken of a scene that week. I appreciated Mark's and Billie's offers to lend me a battery or a camcorder. But, I was determined NOT to be a borrower. Surely, SOMETHING would have gone wrong if I had used they're equipment: mix up with mine, take it home by mistake, drop it in the pool, or in the pies, or suddenly Sean or Rob might have needed a spare camera. And, I would have created some negative effect on the commercial production. So, I found myself nervously running in and out, checking on charging batteries and a strange rental camera, and worrying that I might miss the beginning of a very funny pie scene. I guess I really should have known not to worry by now. Steve and Sweaterman Rob and Messy Fun Rob and Billie took pre-mess still photos of the models in their costumes. And what costumes they were! Six gorgeous models charged out of the house, very eager to begin the Lenny-sponsored silliness. Lisa D., Lisa V. and Keeley wore black velvety dresses, with black pantyhose, and black high-heeled shoes. The dresses were low-cut, sleeveless, with just straps over the shoulders holding them up.  I will suitably refer to them as "the Robert Palmer girls". In keeping with the musical theme, 3 balloons: one red, one green, one blue, were tied around each of their waists. Joanne pranced outside with nothing but a black, circus-ringmaster's vest: no bra, no knickers. The vest failed to cover her backside. Her smooth cheeks had obviously been painted slightly with rouge, or else she had taken a good spanking the night before. She wore black shoes and a black, drawn-on mustache. Even with a mustache, Joanne looked cute as a button. Joanne's shoulder-length hair was tied in back with a black ribbon.  To top Joanne all off was a black top hat. Joanne positioned her beautiful bare bum on the organ bench, with her back towards the cameras, whilst pretending to play at the miniature organ. A black mannequin head stood on the organ with an ugly, scraggly black wig on top of it. So that her pretty face could be seen,  Joanne twisted her torso around and smiled her goofy smile. John Cleese would have been proud. Tracie wore her gorgeous blonde hair straight back with a little knob in back tied by a black ribbon. Her red dress was the same design as the three Robert Palmer girls. She played a large white guitar to the never-ending tune of "Up Up and Away". Tracie also wore black pantyhose and low-heeled black shoes. Her expressionless face showed no emotion throughout the skit. And, to round out the third of the "Monty Python girls" was super-splosher Sammi. Sammi wore a red dress with the same design as Tracie's, and black low-heeled shoes, too. Sammi's hair was also tied up, more on top than in back, in a knob. Sammi sat on a cushion closest to the cameras. Ever joyful and dutiful Sammi was the first to receive a triplet of pies from the Robert Palmer girls. Now, unlike the previous three pie fights this week, this scene was to be a pie-THROWING affair. Now, I don't care how my pies are delivered, as long as they are ON-TARGET. Now, the models certainly did their best, and certainly a better job than *I* could have done, at hitting tier target. The problem is, to be in-target, one must throw pretty hard. And, this is not good, if the target is the FACE. Poor Sammi had to endure TWO triplets of pies before getting her head completely smothered in multi-colored pies.  And, those pies hurt poor Sammi, especially the one thrown by Lisa V. Yet, Sammi, without batting a cream-filled eyelid, continued on, picking and strumming at her fake sitar. Meanwhile, Tracie was nonplussed as Sammi's pus was pasted with pies. Sean did his best at directing the women to be accurate with their throws, to cover as many different body parts as possible, to be IN the field of vision of the cameras when they threw, and not to hurt each other. Inevitably, about half the pies made "wimpy" contact. The pie action began after the Palmer team noticed that something didn't sound quite right with the trio of Pythoners plucking and pounding at their instruments. After Sammi's initial wonderful second triplet of pies came some other memorable moments.  Here's the pie-by-pie play: Joanne's first pie of the day was in the butt, thrown by Lisa V. Tracie's first pie of the day came from Lisa V. across the right breast, then her second from Lisa D. more clearly on the right breast.  Tracie got her first pie-in-the-face of the day with an orange-colored pie thrown by one of the Lisas after a near-hit by Keeley. Joanne's first pie-in-the-face covered only the right side of her face, as it came from a very contorted angle by Lisa V. But, Sean called for reinforcements as he ordered Keeley to deliver another pie to Joanne in the face, again landing just on the right side of Joanne, as Joanne arched and stretched around so the cameras could see her. A beautiful double simultaneous pieing on both sides of Tracie's head was accomplished by the Lisas. Tracie's head was now coated around in the heavy pie crust and filling. But, Tracie, though stunned and shocked that such a beautiful model would be subjected to such treatment, continued her back-and-forth dance steps while strumming her soundless white guitar. Keeley filled Joanne's to hat with a white pie, then smushed down on top of Joanne's head. This was soon followed by a triple toss to the head by the Robert Palmer gang in unison. Joanne never got it as fully in the face as I would have liked, but I never complained. Now, the Monty Python gang had had their fill of pies, at least for awhile. Some pies had to be saved for the Robert Palmer girls. So, Sean called a quick timeout to plan the set up. It was to be a "double-reverse pie throw", followed by a "single-reverse pie throw". Nothing like this had ever been attempted in the history of slapstick! Could this stunt be done? Wait and read! Keeley and Lisa V. slinked over, in time to the annoying yet humorous sounds of Ravi Shankar, with pies in hand, ready to smush some more onto Sammi. But, Sammi had had enough: she threw down her sitar, and shoved the smooth, creamery pies into the faces of Keeley and Lisa V. simultaneously. Keeley and Lisa V., while each holding the pies to their own faces, slowly pulled up and wiped the mess from their faces. Keeley's face was TOTALLY covered in butterscoth-looking pie frosting. Lisa V.'s face was partially coated in white. Both models acted their award-winning show of no emotion and stoicism at receiving THEIR first pies, and pies in the face, for the day. Yet, both seemed to relish and enjoy the sticky mess smearing down their beautiful faces and makeup. Lisa D. approached Tracie with a blue pie, swinging in time to the music, while looking straight ahead at nothing in particular. Tracie put down her guitar, danced in time over to Lisa D., and smushed the pie into the adorable Lisa D.'s face with short black hair bounding the ridge of cream. Another triple approach by the Robert Palmer gang was attempted on the Sammi, who had resumed strumming her sitar and acting her usual silly self. Again, Sammi thwarted their attempt by leaping up, throwing Keeley to the ground, and proceeding to dive-bomb Keeley's own pie onto Keeley's own bombs, uh.., breasts. Lisa D. turned tails and hurled a pie at her own Palmer associate. Out of nowhere, Joanne had jumped into action and hurled HER very first pie of the day at the head of Keeley, who was sitting on Sammi's former cushion. Tracie followed her up with a Keeley head-shot. Lisa D. smeared most of the pie on Keeley over as much Keeley-surface-area as possible: stomach, legs, and breasts. The magical yet dangerously powerful words had been uttered at this point by Director Sean: "free-for-all". Magical, because now the women could more freely and closely approach each other to smush pies onto each others' bodies. But, dangerous, because one would have no clue as to WHAT pie hit was coming up, WHAT to record on film, and, more seriously, simultaneous pie hits going on that I could NOT both record on film, or even possibly eye-witness. I applaud the six models for doing a terrific job of getting in close to the camera field of vision so that all their wonderful pie shots during the free-for-all could be seen and recorded as well as possible. Now, different body parts could be hit as well. Lisa V. and Lisa D. charged up and down the slight grade of Mount Olympies, where the golden, glutinous table of Lenny's pies were strewn out for their throwing frenzy. Tracie nailed two into Joanne's back. Lisa V. and Tracie did a WONDERFUL simultaneous FACIAL pie-throwing of each other from a distance of about 5 feet. In 15 seconds, this was followed by a wonderful quartet of first red-dressed Tracie reaching from behind the still-seated Keeley to smush a pie TOTALLY all over her face. While they were still in that position, red-dressed Sammi reached around from behind TRACIE, and smushed TWO wonderful pies ALL over her head. And, then, with Sammi still standing behind Tracie, who was still standing over and behind Keeley, Joanne charged in and hit Sammi in the face with a blue pie. This was, I consider, THE best pie hit of the day. Seconds later, Sammi smushed a good blue one into Lisa D. as she tried to block it with her hands. Then, Joanne and Lisa V. did a simultaneous facial pie-smushing of each other. This was Lisa V's very best pieing of the day. She laughed after this hit with a face layered with 3 inches of white glop. Buttheads would not be disappointed as Sammi delivered a creamy blue pie to Keeley's butt, followed by Lisa D. doing the same to Sammi. Lisa V. self-pied her own cute tushie. Somewhere in there I believe pretty Tracie got some more on her head and face. At this point, the pies on the table had been used up. There was certainly plenty of pie mess on the ground that could be used. The sextet of Palmer and Python women continued their silly, sexy dancing and moving to "Up Up and Away" for another 5 minutes. The very staid expressions on Lisa D's and Lisa V's faces were  priceless as they synchronized two-stepped to the music. Then Mr. Kelly, who always enjoyed cleanup more than the actual shoots, was eager to start hosing the women off. Two rounds of "Flight of the Bumblebee" blared through the CD-player speakers while two hoses partially watered the actresses down. Filming was not done. The Palmer and Python teams stood attentively while Sean's Hollywood-wise words of theatrical direction were pronounced with stern authority. "Keeley, we're going to put your Muscles from Brussels to the test. You're going to pick up the Casio guitar so I lied, it wasn't a sitar after all and smash the organ keyboard. Then you're all going to fade out, while dancing to the music, to the back." "Bumblebee" began buzzing. The goofy girls giggled and jiggled and wiggled. At the end of one round of "Bumblebee" while dripping sticky, oily pie and water mixture on the ground, they gathered round the organ. "Bee" played once more.  The mighty Keeley raised the heavy metal Casio and hammered with all her strength at the organ bench and then at the organ keyboard. She struck it with Herculean strength again and again. Her goddess figure swayed and buckled in her beautiful, black, velvety dress in time with her impacts. Pie spat from the Casio and Keeley's bodacious body. Lisa D. and Sammi tipped the organ over. Lisa V. took her turn at attacking the cream-covered organ. Next, Sammi destroyed the organ with all the fury of an SSS model scorned. Pieing them is OK. Scorning them is bad. Even poor barefoot and barebodied Joanne was kicked at the organ. But, it was Lisa V.-- that's "V" for "Victorious"-- who finally succeeded at mounting the mighty organ and putting her foot through it, crushing it into the soaking, soggy ground. A grand cheer rose from the crowd of organ-smashers to glorify the conquering gladiator. Lisa V's gothic figure bobbled up and down in joyous rapture at her victory, while her Romantic sweetness of her smile radiated pride to her fellow Piethoners and Palmers. Keeley was the last to smash the beaten organ. As Rimsky-Korsakov's masterpiece aired for the final time (I hope!) for the day, the six beauties waltzed, jived, jitterbugged, tap danced, polka-ed, and hop-scotched their way into the distant background of the WAMTEC ranch. Only after the models were well out of view of the cameras, did they finally walk out to take their final bows, their final poses, and their final hose down. Mr. Kelly's fun was just about to begin, with loads of women, dresses, pantyhose, shoes, organs, tables, balloons, a guitar, a sitar and possibly some cameras to hose off. The models slogged back slowly, evidently and rightfully exhausted and well deserving of their rewards. No! NOT another pie! Plenty of cigarettes and beer awaited them for their hard work. Seriously, it IS hard work staying in tip-top shape as all these lovely actresses do in spite of constant travel and soakings. The fourth pie fight of the week, and the third I had witnessed, was, in my honest opinion, the funniest and most creative. I was honored that the pie scenes had gone as well as they did, and that my camcorder(s) had managed to catch as much as they did. Otherwise, a lot of my memory about this unique experience would have been lost. Thursday was not yet over. There would be still more to see and hear.

WAMTEC Week, 1996 - Part 12

WAMTEC Tours BIG LEGAL DISCLAIMER: I cannot, nor will not, be held liable for the accuracy of events displayed in this section of my report on WAMTEC/Aqua Entertainment Visitors' Week, especially when being funny is just a whole lot more fun than being accurate.  I have used my best judgement about which to be: I hope you will use yours to decide which I have been. Furthermore, to all attendees of visitors' week, Aqua Entertainment employees, and senior Floridians, I have NOT sworn under oath, though I swear a lot elsewhere, NOT to release the secrets I overheard or recorded at Visitors' Week. Again, I used my best judgement about protecting your privacy by loosely conjecturing what *I* would not want the public to know about *me*. If you don't like, tough. Sue me. Wait, take that back. Just, tough. If you don't think I used my best judgement, or can't spell "judgement" without two e's, check with my psychiatrist. He's prescribed the best anti-hallucinatory drug on the market. *** I had 20 minutes of videotape left, and about 20 minutes of light after the Palmer-Piethon Pie Fight. So, I decided to use the tape and light to scan the WAMTEC/Aqua Entertainment property, hoping to catch the ghosts of wet and messy scenes from the past.  Luckily, all those ghosts are still alive. Can you imagine, 200 years from now, the weird apparitions the owners of this property will see when they walk around their yard? "Hey, honey! I was just out back, watering the flowers, when I suddenly spotted 2 white females rolling around and covering each other in mud! They disappeared under the ground." Or, perhaps, more like: "Harry! Get your retired butt out here! I keep seeing these repeated visions of about 4 or 5 beautiful, young women throwing PIES at each other by the palm trees. Are you sure this place wasn't haunted when we bought it? " "No, dear, the property isn't haunted by beautiful, buxom babes rolling around in the mud and throwing pies at each other. Heh, heh, heh." I did a little pre-touring before the main touring session began. The clearing in front of the palm trees where "Swing, Baby, Swing" of SSS 5 was filmed was my first stop. Then, I peaked a little at the overgrown foliage where Agent H20 (Joanne) had run her cloak-and-dagger operations in SSS 1 and 7. I walked around for a wide-angle video shot of the entire property, with the pond in front. How many people can boast a POND on their own property? As I was shooting, I caught Sean meditating in the distance to the peace and calm of a cool breeze blowing through the soft Floridian palm trees. He shouted out the fact that I was standing on the spot where the Ooga Boogas of "Castaways on Jungle Jane's Island" had wrestled Jungle Jane (played by Lisa D.) to the ground, and where the three castaways had entered the water before a beautiful u/w swim (Sammi, April and Dawn). The actual u/w scenes were shot someplace else (Jamaica, Treasure Island, etc.). Little trivia fact: look for the garbage cans, telephone wires, and some cars going by in the fight scene in Jungle Jane's Island. Mark, you mean, you don't block off the entire road before doing a shoot? Amanda swam in this pond in "A Lady in the Lake" in SSS 2, and filmed by Steve. Iva swam in it in SSS 1. I passed on swimming in it. A cheerleader scene, yet to be edited, was filmed by the pond. The washoff after the mud pit fight in "Castaways", involving luscious April, high-pitched Dawn, and voluptuous Sammi, and the mighty Lisa D., took place right where I was standing, too. Joanne and Keeley wrestled underwater, eventually with Joanne drowning Keeley, in the pond in SSS 7. Since Sean seemed willing to point out to me some of the highlights of past productions, I convinced him to take me on the "official" tour of the 3-acre property. A very famous scene shot in 1994, with a working title, "The Girl from Atlantis", involved nasty neighbors Samantha-Jane and Dawn covering Joanne in pies and baked beans. Well, good-natured Joanne (she really IS good-natured in real-life), being from Atlantis, did not like being covered in baked beans. So, she took a spectacular running dive clear across the pond.  "A rather infamous shot," to quote Sean Spielberg. Yet to be released. One sobering fact I learned: the earliest footage that has not been released yet is from 1992. Sobering, coz it reminds one of the fact that all I saw this week, and all I have on video, and all I was being told by Sean, is only the tip of the pie-berg, or mud-berg, or water-berg. One such historical site from 1992 occurs next to the house, in the back of the garbage. A telephone booth was set up, with Gil chatting away on the phone. The other actresses get annoyed waiting in line so long, so they leave and come back with water. A great water fight ensues. This was footage that certain people want released as soon as possible. "It's been done 300 times, but it's funny every time." (but to the SAME audience?) The tour proceeded through the dense, overgrown palm foliage where "major, major amounts of chase scenes happened". As we passed through some of its chase scenes, Sean mentioned that "Bride of the Mud Zombies" was shot in 1993. Sean imparted the fact that 60 to 100 hours of editing in a professional studio are necessary to produce one video. Sean does this between other jobs. Sean pointed out the clearing where a fog scene had been shot in 1995: trees and plants were wetted down so the artificial fog would cling to everything. Apparently, this would involve a ghost-type chase. "It was quite fun," said Sean, with his low-key enthusiasm. An area with lots of prickly ferns was the major outcrop for a scene called "Sweating Like Crazy" (also "Swing, Baby, Swing"), shot in 1993. My private tour guide pointed out the clearing between several tall trees where all the shredding scenes for "Castaways" were done. He pointed to the area where our tour would next take us: the conifers where more shredding had been done for "Castaways". To save time, I thought it wise to ask my guide simply which scenes had NOT been shot on this ranch. But, tourguide Sean was too deep into describing what HAD been shot there. I walked up to, with humble respect, to the site, now covered over, of the 1993 mud pit. Here, classics of mudlarking by classy mudlarkers and mudphillies were produced: "Bride of the Mud Zombies", "Clay Corner Cafe" (SSS 6, Keeley & Micki), "Mud Limbo Mania" (SSS 4, Sammi & Micki), "Mud Spa" (SSS 5, Sammi & Joanne). I assume also that "The Farmer's Daughter Meets the Tractor- Repair Girls" from SSS 2 was shot in this pit, with lovely leggy Joanne as the daughter and Micki and Keeley as the repairmen- uh,.. repairWOmen. Sean then turned and pointed to a ring that looked the size of a small baseball field. It was the 1994 mud pit, considerably larger than the 1993 pit. Here, the famous 8-women mudpit royale was shot for "Castaways". Mud scenes for "Agent H20 & the Bionic Bimbo" (I have yet to see but has been released) and "Bully Girls" took place here. Near the pit were all the places Agent H20 would run and hide as well as some cheerleader chase scenes. "Cheerleaders vs. the Magic Bottle", perhaps?> My UNPAID tour guide let me in on another secret: the location of "The Cereal Killer" episode in SSS 7: it was a rental motel near Ocala, FL. I knew it could not have been at the WAMTEC ranch. Perhaps I shouldn't give away too much. Just watch the beautiful, wooden interior of this rental house in SSS 7 as our Cereal Killer tracks down the other SSS beauties. I won't give away who the killer is or her motive. But, I'll relay the story on how Sean and the others happened upon this rental house, with a "little" embellishment. "It was a dark and stormy night. It was our first time going to Alexander Springs. We had no idea where we were going to park our carcasses for the night. It was very dark when we came across the springs. We didn't want to sleep in the springs, because it was awfully wet, though Joanne, for some reason, wanted to stay. So, we backtracked in desperate search of a motel. We begged and pleaded for total strangers and highway rest area janitors to take us in for the night. 'What is wrong with these people? Why would anyone refuse to take in a bunch of bare-breasted, British, bikini babes?', I thought to myself. Then it dawned upon me: we were literally in a State of Retirement, where gangs of teenagers are routinely  beat up and terrorized by seniors and senioritas. It was like a reverse "Logan's Run": if you manage to dodge the age-police until you're 55, you get to live out your life peacefully and join the police. We tried making a room out of broken tree trunks, twigs, and palm leaves. We shielded ourselves against the elements with our cameras. We covered ourselves 3 centimeters thick with PANTYHOSE, because we always seemed to have plenty of them. The models heroically and selflessly shared their bikinis with the soaked camera crew, to keep them warm, stretching their bikinis to the maximum limits of bikini tensile strength. When we got hungry, we ate the pantyhose. But, our survival against the elements of Florida was slim at best. So we continued driving until a good Samurai took us in for the night. This kind man first offered us a single room. 'Fine. We'll take it,' I said. Then he offers us two rooms, with a kitchenette in it. 'Fine. We'll take that, too. The men should be kept separate from the women." The next thing he says is, "You can have two apartments." 'No, thanks. The two rooms will be fine.' "But, you gotta look at the apartments!" So, before I know it, this nut has talked me into renting two apartments, and a house, with a pool. Luckily, we escaped the next day before he had a chance to sell us some prime real estate in the Florida Everglades. 'My horoscope predicts a dry spell, but that I'll do well financially!' were the last words we heard as we snuck out the back door. " True story! (not) Back to the tour, Sean marched on over hill and dale in our counterclockwise (as viewed from above) path around the wamtec ranch perimeter.  I had to stumble over a steep and harrowing hill to get to the back of the property (farthest from Sandy Run drive). Nasty branches and roots and growth made walking hard and tripping easy. Next time, this tour should get a motorized tram or bus! Better yet, make it like those Universal Studio tours, with the re-enactment of scenes from "King Kong" or "Back to the Future". One could have 60-foot mechanical Sammis or Keeleys throwing 30-foot custard pies at each other, with pie droppings falling onto the tram. Then, 80-foot Samantha-Janes would wash off the tour guests by dumping on them a tub of water the size of a municipal water tank. Such a tour would give added dimension to an "upskirt fetish". As I focussed my camcorder on Sean, I noticed a canal or creek behind the property. A long path runs parallel to the canal.  Many scenes had been shot there. You all might have seen one in the "coming attractions" portion at the end of your SSS videos: Sammi in a bridesgown running in "Bride of the Mud Zombies". Another trivia fact: Sammi is a good screamer. Sean had told her to scream for this scene, but "We didn't realize she could scream that loud." Apparently, "Sammi let out a blood-curdling cry that alerted all the neighbors." This path could be made to look nice and woodsy in the sun or dark and ominous. Many jungle path walking scenes for "Castaways" were shot here. However, not every jungle walking scene was made here. In 1995 jungle walking scenes for "Jungle Jane Meets the SSS Supermodels" was filmed south of Tampa "around river estuaries going into the Port of Manatee". Apparently, there ARE other rivers more impressive than the mighty Sandy Run Gorge (I just made up that name). We peeked over the hilly ridge at the pie mess still lying on the  ground from the Palmer-Python pie scene we had just shot an hour earlier. I watched as Mr. Kelly was thoroughly enjoying himself washing everything in sight and doing everyone's laundry, while the other males slaved away at protecting the females from air molecules. I then tread in the same footsteps pressed out by our wet-and-messy foremothers (yeah, that's a TERRIBLE word to use, but I can't think of another). Samantha-Jane, Queen and Ruler of Pantyhosia, and her legion of Ooga-Booga warriors had emerged over the gnarly hill in "Castaways" before cream-pieing the "innocent, topless victims". Frankly, I've seen my shoelaces tied more tightly than these victims, (Sammi, Dawn, and April). As I pointed out to Sean, I could see Sammi just about to break into a fit of laughter before receiving her first pie-in-the-face from cutie-pie Sarah. Sean admitted that cracking up IS a problem. I certainly witnessed plenty of THAT this week. But he'd rather have it that way than NOT having them enjoy themselves. Gosh! I wonder if Cecille B. Demille was as nice to HIS cast when Charlton Heston was cracking jokes about parting the Red Sea. Incidentally, immediately after receiving this pie, Sammi does let out her patented yelp. I'd rate it 8 out of 10 decibels. And, it's off the piano keyboard in pitch. I miraculously survived crossing the hill as Sean went on about "Castaways". He showed me the trees where the three castaways were tied. Quoth Sean quoting Dawn, "This is exactly where Dawn was standing when she trod in an ants' nest. As she put it, 'They're biting the f*** out of me!' " (I had to get ONE dirty word into this report.) The toured turned right, facing the garage-sized shed. Surprisingly, this shed has NOT been appeared in any of the videos. I tried to quickly recall if I had not seen it in "The Farmer's Daughter" from SSS 2. Sean confirmed my thoughts. He claimed that 1995 was the first year that he tried to shoot near the shed at a previously unseen clump of shrubbery. Don't forget to put that into the opening credits: "Starring: various SSS models you've seen before. And introducing: THIS clump of shrubbery." Sean will have to take a year just to prune down the current working title of that unreleased video: "Agent H20 versus the Alien Space Vampires from Hell". (Perhaps you should ADD the word "Godzilla"). For this movie, some vampires appeared and disappeared in this East Wing of the ranch. But, nothing else of notoriety had been filmed in this marshy east end. Except, of course, the first pie fight of 1996 Visitors' Week on Monday. We headed for the house again to get out of the soggy soil while Sean explained to me the opening to "Bionic Bimbo". Samantha-Jane activates the bimbo, played by Sarah, who walks towards the pool. The driveway scenes or cars pulling up, such as Agent H20 in her movies, involve the Kelly driveway. Trivia alert! Trivia alert! In whose Buick does Samantha-Jane drive up in "Bionic Bimbo"? Answers when I feel like it. Lots of the "Bully Girls" videos were shot on the driveway, too. We turned our attention to the porch. Sean explained that in the past, big, brown tarps had been used to cover the screened-porch. He had tried to shield the goings on from the nosy neighbors or rain, but it just looked too ugly in the background. As ugly as the neighbors?  I remarked about the very dramatic sequence of Joanne's "Tarzan Movie Nightmare" in SSS 2 with that green vinyl alligator. Sean told me that this sequence ended up on SSS 2 only by an accident. He had only 52 minutes of film on a master at 1 pm and had to get the master to a duplicator by 5 pm. So, he added in this sequence out, slapped on some non-copyrighted jungle music, and rounded out the tape. Guess what: a masterpiece! As my father always tells me, the best work is produced under pressure. Let's add some pressure to Sean!  Joanne, lo and behold, swam in the pool behind him, as Sean wrapped up the WAMTEC tour. He explained the "buyout" CDs used throughout many of the SSS and Mark 2 videos. One has rights to use this music at will. He says the music is a "rip-off" of "established" music. But, I consider the buyout music I've heard on the SSS tapes to be much better than the professional stuff (Yanni, Kenny G.) one could go to jail for putting on one's video. "That's it!" announced Sean, as the tour ended. I had learned a lot, and I have made a lot of references to events and film history that either I or you, the reader, have not seen yet. I can hardly wait for the next generation of SSS/Aqua tapes to fill in the blanks. That was Sean's Buick in "Bionic Bimbo".

WAMTEC Week, 1996 - Part 13

"Up Close & Personal"  ANOTHER BIG SCARY LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Anything goes. The autumn sun quickly set on Thursday, November 7, 1996, thrusting the WAMTEC and Aqua Entertainment crew, ranch, and visitors into darkness. I took a pleasure bicycle ride around the sandy roads in the lush, palm-tree forest. Complete calm and darkness, except for my bicycle light. Mr. Kelly was still busy as a bee doing all the cleanup and laundry. The beautiful sextet had washed the last of the gooey, butter cream pies out of their hair and were now lounging about the house in various states of undress: from totally nude to underwear to short shorts. Like the pool party the night before, I felt no rush to ride back to my motel. So, I stayed and enjoyed the feminine scenery. Sammi and Joanne would not be performing in the pie scene the next day. I would not find that out until the next day, though. So, I had seen the last pie be thrown at good-ole' Joanne and Sammi. But, the night was just getting good for less messy interactions with them. (I know what your filthy minds are thinking: I didn't have THOSE kinds of messy interactions with them!) I alternately went into the pool and dried off. Curiously, the warmth of all those burning cigarettes felt good after a swim. Though I'm not a smoker, I've grown somewhat accustomed to smoke. In the Kelly house and porch, there were plenty of pleasant Florida breezes wafting through the smoke-filled ranch house for ventilation. So, I was bothered even less. Finally, I could relax at his house without worrying about camcorders, tripods, and batteries.  First, I had a short conversation with Keeley. I praised her wonderful work in "Pie-Er-Cise" (SSS 7) and "Mud Olympics" (SSS 8). She is very concerned about keeping her beautiful, firm body in shape. She had happened to have gone to a local gym that Thursday(?) morning. How dedicated she was to fitness: to come all the way from England and to search out and USE a gym in Jupiter, Florida.  I'd still be sleeping from jet-lag for six weeks. I did ask her about certain references to her "puppies" in the SSS videos. I actually thought that she owned two dogs, whom she had brought over from England. I kept expecting these dogs to appear in her exercise video with her. The dogs never showed up. It turned out that "puppies" was just a euphemism for two other very eager and obedient body parts, which in turn is just another euphemism for her breasts. Too bad for the dog lovers. Earlier in the week, I had spoken with Rob Blaine about UFOs, only because I would love a way for advanced-technology space travel to get me to Jupiter (Florida, that is) or England instantly fast, but much more safely/cheaper/cleaner than current air travel. Tracie had overheard my conversations, and had inquired about my belief in the subject. I told her what I had read and heard, and what photographs I had seen. Tracie's eyes sparkled with beauty and attention as I nervously tried to talk about UFOs and NOT think about her radiating sexuality. I tried avoiding her soft, penetrating stare, for fear of falling in love with her. She was beautiful. I had settled down on this beautiful Florida evening on the chairs in the porch. Sammi and Joanne settled in across from me and calmly lit up cigarettes. For those of you who like smoking videos, Joanne and Sammi are pros at handling a lit stick of tobacco. Steve had settled in across from me, too. Somehow, I don't know how, Steve and I got into a conversation about the state of the world, child-rearing, politics, ethics, etc. Frankly, I wish he hadn't started me on those hefty topics, because, once I start, I can't stop.  Luckily, somehow, Joanne and Sammi stepped into the conversation. I tend to find it easiest to work up to asking a person, and especially a woman, personal things, by taking the risk to reveal personal stuff about myself as well as personal opinions on politics, law, and ethics. Needless to say, sex is a topic I put under the category of law and politics (though, I find it unrelated to ethics). So, Joanne and Sammi, with Tracie in earshot, shifted the conversation to a discussion about sex. At this point, Sammi put it very bluntly: "You can ask me ANYthing. Feel free. You don't have to worry.  Ask me anything you'd like about my personal life or sex." Oh, my Lord!  Can you believe a beautiful woman like Sammi saying this to me, throwing wide open the doors to the inner sanctum and mystery of a woman's id and psyche?!  Wow! It was like walking into an ancient Egyptian Pharoah's sarcophagus for the first time and discovering a treasure of gold in it. "Anything?" I asked. "Anything," Sammi replied. "OK, here it goes!" So, I proceeded to ask Sammi the most intimate personal questions you can imagine. And, you will have to imagine the answers, since I won't repeat them here.  Mainly since she did not give me permission to go spreading them around the internet. Also, partly, because I have forgotten the answers. (Guess that would make me the equivalent of the greatest bumbling archaelogist to go losing the Pharoah's gold. ) But, I feel, as a good writer, I should inspire creative imagination in the reader by leaving some of those details out. So, here goes my interrogation. "Are you a virgin?" "With how many different individuals have you had sex?" "What was the longest, continuous period of time you had sex?" "Have you ever found that the fantasy of sex was better than the reality? Have you found that, the first time you had sex, that the mechanics and logistics of maneuvering around the other person got in the way of the personal enjoyment of it?" "Do you have boyfriends/girlfriends?" "Are you heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual?" "If you are heterosexual, how do you feel about doing videos with lots of physical contact with other women? For that matter, regardless of your orientation, same question?" "As a model, you obviously come in contact with lots of guys who hang around you: groupies, crew, whomever. And, you have to be very friendly and outgoing. How do you know with whom, and how much, to touch and hug someone in a friendly manner?" "Do you have other career plans besides acting and modelling?" "What is your favorite part about modelling in general?" "What are your favorite wet or messy scenes?" "What are your least favorite wet or messy scenes?" "Are there some scenes you would refuse to do?" "Do you enjoy changing and trying on different outfits or makeup, or do you see this as really a chore?" (I think I can answer safely that Joanne DOES think of this as a chore.) "Do you believe aliens crash landed in Roswell, NM, in 1947?" (It's true: Tracie and I DID discuss this subject.) "How many brothers and sisters do you have?" "With whom do you live? (on one's own, with friends, with relatives) "How much do you get paid?"  To all those horny or curious people reading this, imagine to yourself the  opportunity of sitting across from two heavenly sweet, entertaining, and pretty women, and asking these intimate details of their values and lives. Tracie joined the fray to make a total of three heavenly women in my presence.  Imagine, further, being TOLD the answers (if such answers existed) to these and other questions by lovely Sammi, Joanne, and Tracie. It is like being, for one glorious evening, a part of an extraordinarily exclusive clique or private club with secrets that you know the rest of the world would kill to find out, but for which you have been appointed that special, secret guardian. Sammi, Joanne, and Tracie had trusted me as their secret, special guardian! Sammi next asked me about my future plans. I told her about my current indefinite holding pattern in mathematics. Then she acknowledged the value of math in many different fields, including law. OH, MY GOD!! OH, MY GOD!! I was breathless.  At that moment, when Sammi spoke those words, my personal feelings towards Sammi instantly intensified. Most of the week, I had tried to remain somewhat cool yet always friendly. Now, however, I actually felt a special bond with at least one of the models. Now, I apologize to all you people (men mostly, I assume, but I wish to generalize) for bringing up an unrelated topic, like "mathematics". BUT, replace "mathematics" with any other activity that holds special meaning for you: "football", "auto repair", "child-rearing", "religion", "political/legal/ethical causes". And, imagine one of those beautiful models that you've seen many times in the Aqua Entertainment videos actually appreciating the value of that activity and having a conversation with you about it. My heart was pumping a kilometre a minute! Here was that very same woman, who effortlessly danced to a ragtime two-step in "Sammi's Spring" (SSS 6), telling me how she understood the beauty and value of mathematics, and its USEFULness in so many areas of "real life". The woman in my videos, who falls face-first into the mud, and readily receives a pie in the face, and swims like a dolphin underwater, UNDERSTANDS. SHE understands! All my colleagues and work buddies and professors don't understand, but SHE understands! (I'll cool down on the emotional appeal: Steve and I had an even longer talk about the value of my work. But, somehow, Steve doesn't "do it" for me the way Sammi does. Sorry, Steve. (grin)  Joanne's stately mannerisms and responses also aroused my passion and interest to ask her more about her life. I think Joanne learned how to answer and ask questions from those "Hot Water" episodes she did. I had now felt a bond grow between me and a second model. Well, how many bonds would grow between me and the models before the week was out? Surely, one between me and Tracie, for those serious issues we discussed (like UFOs), along with Steve.  Tomorrow was not just another day, but another PIE day, as well. So, there was still time to make three more bonds. It was Rob Blaine's last night here. He would be leaving early Friday morning. So, tonight was the last night I'd see him, unless, of course Messy Fun has a visitors' week! (hint, hint) If I were Rob, I'd feel an intense urge not to let Mr. Kelly upstage me with wet and messy videos. I'd want to fly home, throw some pies, soap up some women, and churn out some more videos!! But, Rob was in a quieter mood than this. I filmed him for the last time this Thursday night. WAMTEC would be losing a good camera operator for the week. Billie, Sean, and Steve would have to manage well without the great care and skill of Mr. Blaine. I said my "goodbyes" to Rob and wished him well on his continued health and career. He relaxed in the swivel chair, sipping his drink (I think), like Marlon Brando contemplating his laurels of cinematic achievement, as I parted company. I left on bicycle around 11:30 pm. It was a BEAUTIFUL night for riding a bicycle, even nine miles. Midway home on the main highway, I passed an RJ Gators. This restaurant chain, I believe, had the pie-throwing policy to members of your own party, for $5. I tried to go in hoping with a very small amount of hope to catch some live, spontaneous pie-throwing. But it was too late: they closed at midnight. I consoled myself with the obvious: I had seen a total of nine different women be totally pied this week. And, four of them were yet to be pied tomorrow. So, I rode away from RJ Gators unexpectedly contented and fulfilled rather than sad and disappointed, counted my blessings, and waited for the final showdown the next day.

WAMTEC Week, 1996 - Part 14

"The Gang" WAMTrEC's mission: to seek out new and more beautiful SSS supermodels in uncharted mud bogs, in new underwater locations, ... to THROW PIES WHERE NO ONE HAS THROWN THEM BEFORE! With that spirit of messy adventure in my mind, I set off on my bicycle for the final day of visitors' week, Friday, November 8, 1996. Like Thursday, Friday morning was a day of rest for these messy models, and the crew, with the exception, of course, of the tireless Mr. Kelly. Lord knows what messes had been left in the middle of the night around his house for him to clean up.  I decided to leave an hour earlier than usual, because I had a little special plan. I figured that, since these wonderful, wacky women were so nice to me, sharing their pulchritude and wisdom with me throughout the week, that I just HAD to return the favor in some small, affordable way. Now, I was no Lenny, who must have spent well over a $1000 on pies alone for that week, let alone other shopping gifts he would later buy the actresses after visitors' week was over.  I could think of only one item to buy these sploshers: flowers. So, around 11:30 am, I stopped at a flower shop, just next to Rt. 95 and the Florida turnpike, on my way to the Kelly ranch. Had I the money, or tricked Lenny into buying it (just kidding, Lenny), I would have bought the women a huge bunch of flowers. Instead, I settled on 2 flowers for each woman: beautiful purple lilacs. But, now I had to squeeze meaningful yet short sentiments onto the cute little cards that go along with those flowers. I had to personalize each message, I had to not make my message not seem like I was advancing on their honor, nor seem too gushy, yet truly express the joy each one of them had given me in her own unique way, and I had to do all this in a half hour before scooting off in time for the final video shoot. Fortunately, the flowers would be delivered later that afternoon by the florists. I arrived at the ranch. The weather was mild, and quite hot under the direct rays of the sun. The sky was clear blue, interrupted only by big white clouds. As in the previous four days, except for rainy Tuesday, the girls were sunbathing when I had arrived. Sammi and Joanne were by the pool, letting the sunshine polish their tender skin.  Sean, Steve, Lenny, Sweater sponsor Rob, Billie and Mike were present yet again. I had a great deal of videotape to use up. So, I put the rented camcorder on its tripod and let it run as much as possible this afternoon, capturing those uncopyrighted moments of other people's lives. Billie relaxed on a couch in the Kelly living roon, petting Sandy, the WAMTEC pooch. Meanwhile, Kelly oscillated in the background with a vacuum cleaner in his hand, preparing for the next onslaught on his dominion. I decided to take advantage of my final day in the pool there. So, I turned the camcorder off, stripped down to my Spalding underwear, and dove into the pool. I had a tendency to get very hot very quickly in Florida, partly due to all my exercise, and partly due to the women, but mainly due to my not being used to such continuous warm weather in November. So, I jumped into the crystal clear blue of the Kelly pool, making repeated dives to the bottom, letting the water caress my hair and massage my muscles.  At one time, my glasses fell off and sank to the bottom of the pool. This was not good, as I was unable to bring along my second pair of glasses to find the first one. Secondly, I had no idea how my glasses would survive their first encounter with the pool cleaning machine. After a few seconds of fishing around for my glasses in vain, I rushed out of the pool and grabbed the vacuuming Mr. Kelly, solver of other people's emergencies. He ingenuously asked me why I had wanted to store my glasses at the bottom of the pool. Before I had realized he was making a joke (hahahahahaha!), I had spotted my glasses on the pool's bottom and had dived in to retrieve them, while Kelly pulled the pool cleaner out of my way. Sammi and Joanne maintained their state of semi-consciousness and total nakedness on the blue rubber raft during my glasses crisis. I later went over to them and asked why they were not preparing for the Friday pie shoot. "We're not appearing in it." I felt a twinge of disappointment, now realizing that yesterday was the last time I'd see them pied live. Furthermore, Sammi had nasal congestion problems and was not physically feeling too well. Poor girl! Until about 2 or 3 pm, when the video shoot began, I periodically and admittedly impatiently dipped in and out of the pool to keep cool. In between pool dips, I stood for some photo poses with Sweaterman Rob. He modelled topless, and I modelled bottomless (a'la Spalding). One would have mistaken us for brothers, or half brothers, if we had walked around that way much longer. During lunch, the flowers I had ordered had arrived. In between pool dips, I managed to dress up a little to present myself at the front door to the florist. I thanked her and immediately made my rounds round the house delivering the purple lilacs to the lilies of British womanhood. Lisa D., Lisa V., and Keeley were the first to receive my paltry token of admiration.  They each graciously thanked me for the gift and card. I thanked each of them over and over again for their willingness to come all the way from England, with very little compensation, to basically have a good time with me and the other visitors. Sean, Billie, Steve, and Mark took turns setting cameras up in the back yard. The location was exactly where "Swing, Baby, Swing!" (SSS 5) had been performed. After a few more dips in the pool, I presented my flowers to Tracie, and then to Joanne and Sammi. We exchanged a few more thanks and praise. At this point, Tracie, the Lisas, and Keeley went into their inner sanctum to change for the final pie shoot. This inner sanctum (i.e. the back three bedrooms) was the ONE part of the property that every male knew instinctively was off limits, and had been off limits, for the entire week. I had crammed my camcorder down every corner of the Kelly ranch. I had invaded every private space on his property. But, the changing rooms were left uninvaded. So, I continued pacing, waiting, and jumping into the refreshing pool. I struck up one final conversation with that intellectual beauty, Joanne, and that (beautiful intellectual), Sammi. I had asked them about American accents. I come from New Jersey. Obviously, I do not have what *I* would call "an accent". So, I was curious to know, what I sounded like to a real British person. Was my accent actually closer to British English than, for example, someone from New York City? Or Georgia? Or Boston? I was pleased to hear Joanne and Sammi concur that they thought a New Jersey accent came closest to the sounds of their native tongue. My bonds between Joanne and Sammi had been, yet again, reinforced. I took my final swim in the pool and set up my camera and tripod. Lisa D., Lisa V., Tracie, and Keeley teasingly increased the tension by taking great pains and time to dress up absolutely perfectly for this final messy shoot. My camcorder repeatedly popped off its inferior tripod, both before and during the shoot, making life momentarily miserable. So, I had to just not touch it, letting it run, and hoping that the action, no matter what I filmed, would always stay in front of its field of vision. Mark, Sean, Billie, Steve, Mike, Rob, Lenny and I wandered around our cameras and microphones, waiting for the beauty bash to begin. We talked about all sorts of mundane things. Finally, the moment had arrived. The ever ponytailed Lisa V. stepped outside in her slinky red dress. Her dress ended just above her knees.  Her legs were covered in pantyhose. A red ribbon tied her hair into a ponytail. White low-heeled shoes covered her dainty feet. Keeley wore a full-length loose, silky, black dress. Two narrow straps around her shoulders stood between her dress hanging up and her breasts hanging out. Like Lisa V., Keeley's hair was pulled tightly back, and wound into a knob (since it was short) with a black ribbon. Keeley briefly raised her dress to reveal adorable checkered, cotton panties. Her legs, too, were covered in pantyhose. At the very bottom of her bod were a pair of black, low-heeled shoes. Lisa D. wore a frilly, all-white dress. It ended just above her knees. The frills of her dress formed three shelves or layers, with the third touching her knees. The dress had short sleeves. Pantyhose were also worn. Lisa D.'s hair was short, black, and just a bit wild. White, low-heeled shoes completed the outfit. She was as adorable as ever. Finally, Tracie completed the quartet. Her costume was truly the most unique of the foursome. (eightsome?) I think her alter-ego was "Helga", the Swedish/French maid. Tracie wore her long, blonde hair in two, tight ponytail braids, tied at the end with little black ribbons. It was if she had materialized out of every dream I've ever had of a woman in maid outfit, ready to get pied. Who had made this possible? Was I dreaming again? Black, short-sleeved maid's dress, with dress cut as high on the thighs as possible.  The dress had white trim. A little white apron covered her lap. Unlike the other three, Tracie wore thigh-high fishnet stockings suspended by suspenders,  and creating quite a lot of suspense. A momentary flirt revealed some kind of polyestery black underwear: either panties or a bodysuit. Her sweet feet were adorned with high-heeled black shoes. The quartet posed and acted their cleanest and sexiest for the cameras before the messy part. They intensely looked at the flashing cameras and rolling camcorders as they linked arms. This was my last clean photo opportunity of the week of the models dressed up. Mark had set up the usual table where de-panned pies lined up in humble attendance, waiting nervously to sacrifice themselves upon the faces, bums, buttocks, and other body parts of Lisa D., Lisa V., Keeley, and Tracie. Blue, pink, purple, white: each pie with a mass of about one kilogram, piled thick and high and smoothly. The bakers really knew how to put pies together properly. Frankly, I can't imagine anyone eating this glop. I think I was getting clogged arteries just thinking about what goes into those pies. But, my heart was rapidly pumping out any clogged arteries as I thought about where those pies were headed. Each of the models let us men pose with them so we could get into our own pictures or videos. Billie, Mike, and the man who made all this possible, Lenny, posed with the girls. I hope the Lenny Foundation was a tax deductible charity, delivering pies to pretty women all over Florida. I might just put the Lenny Foundation in my will. The women spontaneously and simultaneously felt they had had enough posing and looking intense for photos. Lisa V., Keeley, and Tracie/ Helga gathered together on the open-air "stage".  Immediately, they had complaints. Lisa V. spoke up in her adorable, Welsh-sounding accent: "Aren't we going to have any chairs to sit on? We need chairs!" Keeley: "Props! We need props!" Fifty guys simultaneously rushed to get the actresses chairs, which is pretty amazing, considering there were only eight males there. Sean blamed the writer of the script (Lenny ?) for the lack of props. Sean once more reminded the models to keep all action within the vision field of the cameras. Three white chairs were brought out (two by Mark, and one by yours truly). Now the stage was set. Lisa V., Keeley, and Tracie sat: Tracie on my left, Keeley in the middle, and Lisa V. on my right. They looked like they were about to begin a heavy discussion on trade embargoes on Crossfire. Luckily, the only thing heavy about this scene would be the smushing of those thick creamy pies into their faces. With legs crossed, Lisa V., Keeley, and Tracie grinned as they heard the sound of even more pies being unpanned. These three had decided to form a Trilateral Agreement to call themselves, "The Gang". And, they were determined to keep anyone else out! What a pity, because *I* certainly would have joined! Sean yelled, "On your mark! Get set! Go! Act!" I thought directors usually shout "Action!" Perhaps these actresses needed a little bit better instructions. (just kidding, girls!) Ambitious, little Lisa D. entered stage right (that's cameraman's LEFT) midst disdainful and disparaging comments from "The Gang". "Ooh, she's a bitch!" "We can't have her in our gang." Or, my favorite from Lisa V.: "We can't have someone in a white dress." This gang had the STRICTEST entrance rules I had ever heard of! Lisa D. stood to Tracie's right and asked: "Hi, girls! Can I be in your gang?" Rumblings of disgust were heard by the members of The Gang in an atmosphere of revulsion. "Oh, God, she's here again!" remarked Keeley. "Not dressed up like this!" joined Tracie, lifting up Lisa D.'s white dress. "She comes out with all these stupid words," said Keeley with total annoyance. "She says them then expects to be in the gang," added Lisa V. Poor little Lisa D.: she was so eager to join the gang, and so heart-broken that the gang members were giving her such a hard time. (They were making it hard-on us guys, too). Lisa V. asked, "Let's see your knickers, then." Upon a quicker knicker inspecton, the gang members gave their vote of disapproval: "Oh, no! Definitely not! You can't be in our gang." Keeley noted: "For a start, your dress is ripped." Lisa D.'s explanation was not enough to change their minds. Keeley further put obstacles into Lisa D's way: "You're too small. You see, we're the hard gang." More disparaging looks and comments came from Lisa V, Keeley and Tracie, as they wrinkled up their pretty little noses at gang-hopeful Lisa D.  Tracie once again yanked at the gang wannabe's dress. Lisa D: "This dress cost me a lot of money!" Tracie: "How much was it?" Lisa D: "Five dollars." Lisa D's disappointed turned to laughter very quickly as Tracie  launched a full-scale attack on her pretty white dress. "Don't rip it!" screamed Lisa D. Lisa V. assisted in ripping. "You have to be sexy!" shouted Tracie. "If you want to be in our gang, you have to sing a song," stated Keeley, as the gang members piled on more and more rules upon poor Lisa D. Lisa D. was now hopping mad. She decided to fight back, and grabbed at Keeley's dress straps. Keeley's black dress stayed up longer than I had expected. But, the powerful, enraged Keeley stood up and led the other two for a full-scale assault on the screaming Lisa D's white dress. "No! No! This dress cost a lot of money!" she yelled, in a last-ditch effort to stop the Gang from denuding her out in the open. But, it was hopeless, depending on what one was hoping for. Lisa D's magnificent boobs flopped royally out of her dress. Lisa V, the maid Tracie, and Keeley played tug-of-war with her dress, which remained anchored round Lisa D's slender waist. In the struggle, that lovely bully Keeley pulled a Reubens on all of us, as her ageless, Reubenesque breasts broke free from their black shackles. Her lovely appendages were now free to roam as they pleased across her stately upper torso. Like Lisa D's dress, Keeley's dress remained fixated round her waist. Lisa D's white panties now showed from beneath the dress having been yanked high. Lisa D realized the futility of attempting reason with the Gang. Lisa snapped, "I'm gonna get you!" "What are you going to do to us?" taunted Tracie. Lisa D. marched off in a huff, fuming at her failure to use gentle, non-pielent persuasion to get into the gang. "Go cry to your mum, now!" teased Keeley, as Lisa V. pretended to cry. The taunts and negative remarks about the  possibility of Lisa D. joining the gang continued. Meanwhile, Lisa D was preparing some delicious and devilish desert for our most-deserving debutantes.  Lisa D is a fighter; she won't take "No!" for an answer; she had a never-give-up attitude... she was totally out of her mind! Lisa D picked up two pies from the table Mark had laid out with such care before. The pies seemed to be very heavy, making the already top-heavy Lisa D even more unstable.  Combined with her high-heeled shoes and the rough ground, Lisa D was quite (physically) unstable as she struggled with her messy munitions back towards the Gang's conference "room". Lisa D smiled a very large smile of delight while sneaking up from behind upon her "unsuspecting" prey. Her exaggerated motions and facial expressions were VERY humorous. Keeley had since pulled up her dress over her noble breasts. Keeley continued on: "She ripped my dress! You know why she does that whining...". Keeley never got to finish her theories on why Lisa D whines. Just then, Lisa D planted a pie each into the faces of Keeley and Lisa V: white for Keeley, greenish for Lisa V. Lisa V's right side of her face was covered. Her mouth was agape in shock at being pied by a little upstart like her moniker counterpart. Keeley had received HER creamy, first pie-in-the-face of the day straight on. Shocked at the humiliation, too, Keeley tossed the pie off her face and brushed it from her chest and lap. Tracie jumped to action to avenge her compie-triots. Lisa D went over to the table to rearm, with Tracie in hot pursuit. Tracie's first pieing -- a blue pie -- was successfully evaded by Tracie as she turned from pie deliverer, Lisa D. Now all three gang members got up for combat. Lisa D walked back to Keeley with a white pie and asked again, "Can I be in your gang now, then?" I thought, for sure, that Keeley would definitely get another one RIGHT in the face. But, she successfully grabbed the pie, and Lisa D. Muscular Keeley, practically holding Lisa D in an head-hold, smushed the white pie all over the trapped Lisa D's face and head. The mean Lisa V and Helga raced back to add even more pie to Lisa D's head and face. Lisa D struggled free. Her head and face were now one big glop of blue and white pie.  Keeley, Lisa V. and the sinful Helga-Tracie maid laughed and taunted the poor pied Lisa D. This was the most humiliating experience in Lisa D's life (yeah, right). She shouted "Not funny!" but the gang kept up laughing and taunting. Out of the blue, Keeley threw an orange (butterscotch ?) pie at Tracie's chest, declaring she didn't want Tracie in the gang, either. There wasn't going to be much of a gang left with just two members. Keeley reinforced her position by smearing another orange pie on Tracie's head down to her face, knocking poor Trace off her unstable, high-heeled feets. Meanwhile, Lisa V smeared a white one on Lisa D's chest. Lisa D's head and magnificent busom were now coated thick with butter cream. The gang decided it was time for the rest of Lisa D's dress to come off. Lisa shrieked,"NNNNNNoooooo! This dress and pantyhose cost me a lot of money!" (So did the pies, Lisa! You didn't seem hesitant to destroy those!) Keeley did a practical chokehold from behind on the lovely Lisa D, while Lisa V declared that "She needs one on the bum if she wants to be in our gang!" Strong Keeley was not strong enough to tear through the remaining shreds of Lisa D's white dress. A sudden rash of bum shots ensued. Tracie nailed Keeley with a pink one. Lisa D spanked the adorable hiney of Tracie, holding up her maid's skirt while sneaky Lisa V smashed a pink one onto Tracie's butt. Tracie's silky, black one-piece underwear was now revealed. Then, Lisa D followed Lisa V around in circles with a thick blue pie, declaring "Your bum's a bit clean!" Lisa D grabbed at Lisa V's red dress, yanked it up, and tossed the pie at her pantyhose-covered white panties.  The two ran around in a circle, with Lisa D holding Lisa V by her red dress like a yo-yo, and revealing to the world Lisa V's gorgeous white panties and sexy figure. Lisa V's facial expressions and reactions of naughtiness as the "Coppertone Ad" girl excited the crew. Lisa V broke away from Lisa D, as the two marched off to the table for more pies. By this time, the "gang" seemed to have disintegrated, like so many sticky crumbly pies that day. It was every supermodel for herself. Tracie marched back to Keeley, who was now seated again, with pie in hand and dress yanked up. Tracie sat down beside her on the right. But, Keeley got the jump on Tracie, smushing an orangey pie into her face. Lisa D sat down on Keeley's right. The beautiful Tracie's face was coated 100% with thick, orange cream. She sat, emotionless, pulling off small pieces of crust from her face, but leaving the vast majority of the pie in her face intact. Keeley face was all white, and her chest and monumental mammaries all blue. Lisa V plopped a green one on top of the head of Lisa D,  who smiled through large layers of blue frosting. Lisa V was struggling with multiple pink pies that had somehow been thrust down her red dress. She pulled the glop out from out of her dress and from between her breasts. She yanked her own dress up to squeeze more out, revealing her own beautiful knickered crotch.  Tracie bent over for the cameras. She smeared and massaged the pink pie frosting stuck to her black underwear all over her bare thighs, above the top of the fishnet stockings, and rear end. Tracie then decided to play "Sit on Daddy's Lap" with the smaller Lisa D, finding a seat on Lisa D's lap.  After many yells of disapproval from the petite Lisa D, she consented, and gave Tracie a face massage from behind. The orange pie was further worked into Tracie's lovely face. Tracie returned the favor by massaging and smearing pie over Lisa D's legs, which stuck out from Tracie crotch. Tracie straddled Lisa with her legs stretched wide and stroked Lisa D's legs up and down. Tracie turned traitor to her Keeley and Lisa V, suggesting that Lisa D be in the gang.  Meanwhile, Lisa V stood perpendicular to Trace and Lisa D, preparing for a long-awaited direct facial hit on Tracie. Just as soon as Trace said Lisa should join, Lisa V very firmly smushed another thick glopping orange, butter cream pie all over Tracie's face. Keeley, though, was ready to deliver a complete blue pie to Lisa V's face. "Nnnnhhhmmp!" whimpered either Keeley as she delivered or Lisa V as she received. Or, perhaps it was Tracie, groaning from the accumulated weight of pie on her face and bottom. I rushed to find a better angle, as many of the pies were coming in to Lisa V with the back of her head to me. After setting up again, I caught lovely Tracie walking over to the table to pick up pies, looking very pie-eyed and exhausted. I managed to see Lisa V's revenge on Keeley. Lisa smushed a perfect blue pie all over the topless Keeley's face. Keeley looked stunned, with mouth wide open. She wiped a way an insignificant portion of the pie, and acted as if she could not believe that she, King Keeley, a great dancer and actress, had been hit in the face with a pie! Keeley accepted the pie without reaction and proudly walked over to the pie table to fire up again. Lisa D shouted, "Nobody seems to be pieing me, so I'm gonna pie me-self!" With that announcement at hand, and counting P-minus 10, 9, 8,....,PIE!, we had time to point and zoom our cameras in Lisa D's direction as she gave herself the most wonderful and biggest glop of blue cream pie all over her head and face. Lisa D stumbled about blind and unable to breathe, like Natalie Wood from "The Great Race". Underwater breathholding abilities come in useful in pie situations as well as underwater ones. Lisa D must have held her breathe for 30 seconds as she stumbled about for half a minute, her head engulfed in pie, unable to breathe or see. The outer rim of pie crust stuck in broken segments to Lisa D's face. Lisa V and Helga/Tracie were not far behind. Poor Lisa D received her second chokehold of the day from Lisa V, who reached around with a green pie to thoroughly do Lisa D's firm ta-tas. An instant later, Tracie reached from behind Lisa V to deliver a creamy, pink pie to Lisa V's pretty sensual face. "Don't you pick on MY friend, " declared Tracie. "I want her to join our club." "Oh, she's YOUR friend now, isn't she?!" whined Lisa V. The cameramen laughed and snickered. Though much filming remained, the pies were winding down.  Suddenly, a NEW gang member had been initiated. Actually, I think he was the pie gang LEADER, and culprit, behind this Great Pie Fight. Lenny, founder of the Lenny Foundation for the Doing Something About Beautiful Unpied Females, was now dragged into the melee. Tracie teased "Poor, baby," as she applied white and orange pie mess to his face. She then instructed him to get on stage. Keeley and Lisa V. ganged up on Lenny, while Lisa D admonished them to "do it in front of the camera". The women were definitely having their way with Lenny. Lisa D stood caked in thick, sweet, sticky pie glop, on head, and back, and stomach and breasts. Her hair stuck together in one big glob. And, best of all, she didn't even mind! What a wonderful woman! Lisa D asked to have a word with Lenny as the others dragged him to the three chairs. Keeley held their leader and corporate sponsor from behind, while the Lisas and Tracie formed a pie brigade, like oldtime firefighters handing buckets of water to each other in rotation. Lisa V was unbelievably sexy with her red dress hiked high above her panties as she marched towards Leonard, with her pie-covered ponytail and back showing to the cameramen, carrying a blue pie. She broke it all over the helpless Lenny, as he tried to shield the pies with his girth. Tracie next pulled up his shirt while preparing to pie his stomach with an all-white, creamy delight. Lisa V sped away to the pie table, in dainty little steps, jiggling like a schoolgirl, with swirls and circles of pie over her face. She looked like a clown or Fun Lady who had just been pied in a carnival booth, smiling and laughing at having been messed up. Lisa D. marched back with a pie in each hand: one white and one orange. Lisa V sped back to Lenny, brandishing an orange pie. Tracie, the pie-faced Swedish maid, then committed the act of pieing Lenny all over the stomach with the white pie. Clearly, it would take a lot more than one pie to cover Lenny's superfluous yet royal abdomen. Lisa V blitzkrieged with an orange pie to the head. Lisa D attacked with pink pie to the chin. Keeley lifted her hold on Lenny to go for more pies. Surprisingly, Lenny stayed right where he was. Tracie then went for a surprise assault from behind, lifting Lenny's shirt and pulling down his shorts to get at his back and butt. Now, for those of you who insist on a complete visual, Lenny has a sort of combined look of John Pinette: a comedian who I think was the referee on the short-lived messy gameshow, "The Grudge Match", and Newman, the mailman on "Seinfeld", who also played the villain in "Jurassic Park". Tracie smushed an orange pie in the butt on Lenny's blue shorts. Lisa D, Keeley, and Lisa V were more brave, as they dove inside Lenny's shorts for some real pie-to-flesh-contact. The women had definitely gone all the way with Lenny. "Don't let him get away," said Lisa V as she headed for more pies. Tracie-Helga once more fell on the grass and dirt due to her unstable high heels. She frowned and smeared more pie off her bust and face and lap, then got up for even more fun. Lenny retaliated with a big white pie, held high, and smashed on Lisa D's small head and face from behind. "He's not in our gang, is he?" she inquired. Keeley went for a "high-pie" on Lenny, who successfully blocked the pie, causing it to shatter into a million little pieces. Somehow, some remaining goop in Lenny's hand found its way into Keeley's face and hair. Then came those sorrowful words--- the words that no pie fans want to hear, yet seem to be an inevitable consequence of the finiteness of the wet-and-messy universe. Maid Tracie asked, "How many left?" The voice of the overlord Kelly could be heard softly in the back- ground. Kelly, who's job it was to bring bad news to the merrymuckers and merrymakers. "Last one." One always remembers the moment one hears those painfully sad words in a pie fight. The totally coated Lisa D and Tracie wanted to make this pie really memorable, so they were careful not to waste it. They quickly held a conference with Mark about the final destination and resting place of this pie. (There would be six encore pies later, but they would not be for the women.) Maid Tracie-Helga held the final pie of WAMTEC Visitors' Week in her hand. An all-white, honest-to-goodness, humblepie. A straight, typical slapstick American pie. Lenny cried out in distress, "Oh, God, are they still coming?" Keeley, Lisa V and Lisa D held Lenny in place as best they could. Tracie prepared for the final pieing, as Lenny squirmed and tried to grab the pie out of Tracie's hand. Shouts of "In the face!" sounded from Mark, then Lisas D & V, and Keeley. But, Tracie was determined to make this pie special. Further complicated by the fact that she could not make a facial assault due to Lenny's defense, Tracie, with her keen tactical strategy, did her only, and as yet untried, maneuver: she smashed that thick creamy white pie into Lenny's large cahones. Right in the garbanzoes! She pressed and kneaded the big mound of pie squarely into Lenny's crotch. A jubilant, exuberant cheer rose from the gang! With poetic justice, the final official pie of WAMTEC Visitors' Week had christened its purchaser. How ironic that the man who had made, with his generous grants, this entire week possible, for even the non-pie events owed their existence to this man. Without his prodding, Mark might have never agreed to let half the state of Florida come to trash his house this week. As Lisa V & D continued rubbing pie over Lenny's arms and stomach and back, Keeley went over to the table for more mushy pies. She had not heard Mark's quiet announcement about the end of the pies, like the  man in black who comes to one's door relaying the death of a love one. "Any more pies?" she asked. It was heart-breaking hearing her reaction when she realized that that last crotch-pie on Lenny was it. "Awwww!" she moaned. "They don't have any pies left!" The Gang of Four moaned together with sorrow as it dawned upon them that they had seen the last of the pies. All four pie beauties stood together with Leonard for final photos. Beautiful, sticky Keeley stood topless, her firm breasts and stomach smeared with pie, her still in its bun. Keeley held a warm, friendly hug around Lisa D's neck, pressing her own head against Lisa D's, while smiling with self-gratification. She even yelled for Jo to bring her her Polaroid to record the moment. Lisa D looked like she had fallen into a multi-colored cement mixer, mostly blue. She looked ready to burst forth with laughter as she made funny faces for the cameras, making fun of her own large, round breasts covered in blue goo. Tracie looked like she had just stepped off the set of a 1920s pie fight scene in Paris. She kneeled on the ground in front of Lenny and the other gang members. Her two, long, tightly braided ponytails were still intact and tightened further with pie frosting. Her face was smeared across with orange. She posed non-chalantly for the cameras, as if she had accepted with grace her duty as pie-maid. Her duty was to receive as many pies as possible. She wiped the pie around her face like it was make-up. Lisa V smiled through the mush smeared across her face. She remained decently dressed in red, though naughtily keeping her dressed yanked high for her panties and smooth pantyhosed legs to be seen. Her eternal ponytail stayed intact, also. She leaned forward and smiled, curtseying to the cameras, pressing her hands on her knees. Her adorable nose poked through the pie mess as she smiled so sweetly. I won't try to describe Lenny's body in such detail, since you would be inundated with detail. I apologize to those of you who would be interested in those details, but I must move on. He was a great sport, reiterating that he is a perfect gentleman (which he is) and does everything the models would do. I'm not sure I'd like to see him do that. After Lenny had had his fill as gang leader (I'm not sure he had his fill, but anyway). Sean directed "The Gang" to finish the scene. Sean's rigid directions left little room for impromptu changes. On this occasion, though, The Alfred Hitchcock of messpense and movie drama gave the three gang members a painful dramatic choice before plowing into the denouement: accept Lisa D or reject Lisa D. Generally, the denouement of all these wet and messy dramas is Mark Kelly hosing down the house and yard and doing laundry for three days. But I never stay for the ending, preferring to leave after the pies run out. Anyway, as Sean enumerated the first choice, Lisa V voted to let Lisa D: "Yeah, she's initiated." But, as soon as Sean enumerated the second choice-- "You can throw her out, make her go away, whatever you want to do" in this complicated saga, Keeley immediately persuaded the others, with her large pied pectoral muscles, to throw lil' Lisa D out. The four lickable lovelies languished on the set, standing and sticky as they decided the turning point and conclusion in this exciting story. They'd throw her out. A final speaking part for the four. Tracie, Lisa V and Keeley stood in line facing Lisa D. They thanked her for the dessert, but told her "you can go now." "I thought you'd let me in the gang!" whined the sad and rejected Lisa D, with a very sad, bittersweet frown on her blue-pied face.  "But she said I could!" objected Lisa D, pointing to Tracie. "She was lyin'," stated Keeley. Ooh! That Keeley was SUCH a bully! I'd LOVE to smush a pie in her face! Or to have one smushed by her in mine! (foreshadowing) "You're useless." Lisa V added insult to pie-injury. "The dessert was nice, anyway," as Keeley took a lick of pie off herself. But, Lisa D's final spoken line was the best, and certainly should win an award for best impromptu line in a major motion picture: "You don't look good in pie anyway!" She very proudly turned and hurumphed her way out of the scene stage left. If she was not good enough for the gang, then the gang was not good enough for her. How wrong she was in that final statement. Nothing could be further from the truth. They ALL looked fantastic in pie: having gone from so well dressed and clean to a total, sticky, multi-colored mess from head to hose. Lisa D was great at giving exaggerated faical expressions of despondence. The gang then sat back down, in their original positions, in the uprighted white chairs. Hilarious thoughts of what this situation looked like flashed in my mind: these three, serious looking women had sat down, legs crossed, to have a serious debate, like in Crossfire. Flash forward ten minutes: the serious debaters were covered in pie. One imagines that in those ten minutes, a glorious pie fight had broken out between Trace and Lisa V, with moderator Keeley caught in the middle. "The Gang" story concluded as the gang mulled over future plans. What, after all, was this club's purpose? What was in its charter? The wicked thoughts of Keeley spelled it out: "We'll clean up, first. Then we'll call her [Lisa D] and pretend that she can be in our gang. Then we can have more to do." Tracie and Lisa V nodded in agreement. What a brilliant idea for a gang! *I* am thinking of attempting entry into this exclusive club! "Come on then," Keeley directed the other two as she popped up. She was off to the showers. The pie-faced Tracie and Lisa V tagged along, exiting stage right. "The end" to "The Gang". The story had ended but not so the photography. Group sponsor Lenny joined Lisa D, Lisa V, Tracie, and Keeley for a WAMTEC Class of '96 photo. Another welcome addition to the WAMTEC yearbook. The five of them squeezed close, with taller Keeley in back, giving Lisa D and Trace a hug. Lisa D, being the least tall of the bunch, nestled nicely in front of Keeley and Lenny. She made the cutest facial expressions of innocence and sweetness that any woman on earth could muster. As they all smiled in unison, to the sounds of an inane recording going "Cheese for me, cheese for you, cheese-a-rooooo!", camera bulbs flashed and shutters snapped. I zoomed in for my final shoots and glances at the still messy models. In a minute, they'd be washing away the mess and the memories. I scanned Lisas' and Keeley's pantyhose, which looked rather sexy smeared with green and white. Tracie's fishnet stockings were even sexier, as her black stockings and underwear stood in great contrast to all the white and blue and green on it. I do GREATLY apologize to all the foot fetishists out there, as I have totally neglected you throughout this week. I like feet but do not consider myself a foot-lover. So, I had neither paid attention to feet throughout the week nor recorded feet much for future reference in this report.  That would have even worsened my video motion, to scan down to feet repeatedly.  So, as a small token of making up my neglect, I'd just like to say that at this point, the adorable, dainty sweet feet of Keeley and Lisa D were now bare (modulo pantyhose). They mushed around in pie mess on the ground, with creamy buttery cream oozing through their smooth toes. Tracie remained in her high-heeled black shoes, stomping in the sticky mess on the grass, the perfect prelude to the "clumsy maid" personae, in danger at every time of falling face first into a wedding cake. Lovely Lisa V stood her ground in her white shoes. Sean asked tipsy Tracie/Helga for a final bum shot. Thank you, Sean! You know what the audience likes! Tracie pointed her fanny towards her fans. Her underwear is in all my dreams. Absolutely PERFECT: black, smooth, silky, and NOT thong. Her stockings did not hide her thighs (unlike PANTYHOSE!). Her thighs and rear end were colored in white and other colors from pie filling. Her underwear covered the exact right amount of her two cheeks. She rubbed herself off in back for a final wave to the cameras! At that moment, I realized one small final detail: her beautifully orange-painted finernails, which matched the orange pie on her face. Tracie receives the Olympic 10 in executing her beauty, acting, modelling and knowing what would turn people on. After that final annoying rerun of the "Cheese Recording", a round of applause went up from the cast and crew and visitors. Like the closing ceremonies at the Olympics, which includes the dousing of the Olympic torch, Sean heralded the closing of the 1996 Aqua Entertainment/WAMTEC Visitors' Week. "Ladies, this officially concludes your 1996 Aqua Entertainment/WAMTEC Visitors' Week." But, just like the Olympics, there was still to be partying of sorts, even after the main events were over.

WAMTEC Week, 1996 - Part 15

"WAMTrEC: The Final Frontier" Lisa D had run off rather quickly and unexpectedly. She did not go to the area traditionally set aside for hosing off: a large plastic tarp on the ground next to the house. I rushed to track the pie-girls on their trek to the hose-off area. Lovely leggy Keeley peeled off her long black dress and pantyhose, down to her soft, cotton, checkered panties. Sultry, sexy Lisa V rolled her springy red dress down over her legs and tore off her torn pantyhose. She remained standing in the absolute sexiest underwear ever: soft, all-white cotton Hanes-Her-Way panties. Her legs were bare, now as was her entire top. Only the panties stood between her and total nakedness to the free world. I was struggling, as usual, with my rental camcorder. The camcorder kept popping off its rental tripod at all sorts of inconvenient moments. After stripping and a quick douse of water, Keeley ran off into an unseen area by the pool. Sean raised a toast to the end of Aqua Entertainment/WAMTEC Visitors' Week. Rob and Billie and Steve followed the women from behind with still photo cameras in hand. I had seriously thought that all the good fun was done and that that was that, save for cleanup. The men thought it was all over. Lisa V ran off after a preliminary shower following Lisa D and Keeley. I struggled to capture the last moments of Tracie and Lenny hosing off on video. As I tried to set up the tripod, my attention was immediately broken by the pie- covered Lisa D, Keeley and Lisa V charging down the slope from the pool with creamy, white pies in their hands!  It was a set up! The women had bought pies of their OWN! It was PIEback time! I assumed, correctly, that the ladies would have spent money on just one box of pies, which held six. So, I had no idea who would be on the receiving end of them. Sean was a MAJOR target, possibly by Lisa D. He ended up extremely messy, with his head all in white. I don't recall if Lenny might have received one of these special "surprise pies", as he had already received several from the collection of pies he had bought. Somehow, Sammi had been pulled out of retired and creamed Billie right in the face and all over his head with as much force as she could summon. Would Steve be next? The totally covered Lisa D, still with her torn, white skirt twisted around her waist, took a swipe at Steve with a pie. I think she got his leg as she tried to avoid throwing the pie near his face which was buried in a very expensive camera at the moment. Lisa V totally creamed Mike all over the face. He wiped and licked the pie out of his face. I don't know if this pie to his face was fulfilling Mike's dream-come-true. But, I did not hear him complaining. Meanwhile, pie-faced Tracie had stripped to her black, one-piece underwear. Her fishnet stockings were still being held by suspenders. I honestly cannot decide between Tracie and Lisa V who had the sexier underwear. I can rank them each first place if I put them into separate categories: two-piece (panties & bra) versus one-piece. Tracie standing out there, as if she had been stripped and then embarrassingly hit with pies, was one of the most exciting visual experiences of my life. Keeley, whose hair had been pulled back flat with white cream, confidently strode down the hill with pie in hand. I had JUST gotten my tripod set up for some steady shots with my camcorder, when I noticed Keeley coming my way. Sweaterman Rob was between me and her. I did not know if she would coming to him or to me. Apparently, the models knew that Rob was into sweaters, not pies (perhaps secretly, though). Whereas, *I* had openly expressed by affection for this confection being applied to women of such perfection. So, it would be a great shame that a pie be wasted on other than a TRUE pie fan! Sorry, Rob. Certainly, as a result of my moral support, I had been culpable in all the (as veganly possible) pies Keeley and the others had received this week and in years past. Perhaps, also as a result of my taunting, "You wouldn't dare!" Keeley changed course from Rob to me! It was MY turn. I stupidly kept trying to film Keeley COMING AT ME with the pie. This I should NOT have done. Note to all pie fans: when someone comes at you with a pie and wants to hit you in the face with it, and you want to capture it on film, either A) Hand your camcorder to someone ELSE to film, or, if a third party is not around or is unable to assist, B) Take the time to set the camera on the tripod, ask the thrower to stand momentarily in front of your camcorder so that they are in-screen, leave the camcorder running, and THEN go in front of the camera and take your pie! I regret that I had the chance to do this with Keeley, but I felt she was too eager to do some throwing rather than receiving. So, I did not bother to ask her to set it up properly. As I filmed, Keeley lunged forth with her big, thick, creamy white pie. SNNNUFGGH! I suddenly felt a very soft, sweet gooey thing in my face, like a big marshmallow. The pie had muffled my cry of ecstasy. The instant smell of the pie welled up inside my nose. I have been remiss in describing this sensory perception throughout this week: the sweet scent of the pudding, that oily, buttery smell of the pies, the chlorinated pool and dunk tank water, and the sweet smell of the Floridian air.  But, those pie odors were everywhere once a pie fight began, as if their breaking and cracking over the actresses' faces released their sweet smell. I literally had this odor shoved into my face! I was actually shocked! I was SO excited! I had received a pie in my face! My very first "public" pie in my face. I had them before with girlfriends and wrestlers (where I got to choose and pay for the materials). But I had none witnessed by OTHERS! I could not believe it! Keeley, that limber gymnast who energized me so much  every time I watched her on my TV monitor and tried to imitate her aerobics, had actually PIED me! I could not believe that I had been pied by Keeley!! I suddenly felt and intense, very deep bond between me and Keeley, knowing that she was 100% confident in messing me totally up as she had been a hundred times that week. My fourth intense bond of the week with the models. She knew that I could take, as she had done so often. THANK you, Keeley! Thank you! I love what you did to me! I immediately put my camcorder in position. Some frosting had splattered on it, so it was my first concern. Keeley and I quickly posed for it. From that moment on, I was unable to look into my camcorder viewfinder to record anything. I simply had to guess and aim and record and pray that whatever I shot from then on would be in view. My face (80% of it) was coated thick in white, mostly on my left side. Everything I touched or got near instantly got pie on it, as if by Star Trek teleportation. I just had to leave the camcorder on its stand and let it run. Sweaterman Rob, who had selflessly rescinded his chance of a pie-in-the-face for me, kindly hit the record button as the camera recorded the final messy moments on the shower-off tarp.  Showering off with Lisa D, Lisa V, Keeley, and Tracie was an unforgettable experience. I have very vivid memories of us standing on this wet and very slippery piece of plastic. I took off my t-shirt and my shorts, washing down in my red Spalding underwear. Tracie had finished first, going entirely naked, so she had gone in to get dressed first. Keeley stood in her lovely checkered panties getting soaked through and through. We took turns, along with Billie, Sean, Steve, Mike and Lenny holding hoses and washing each other off. Detergent helped dissolve the oily mess, but it stung my eyes. I had had enough of THAT experience three day prior with suntan lotion. So, I continued with just plain water. Plus, I wanted to stay out there longer with the models. Billie exclaimed how Sammi had totally creamed him. I commented on how hard it was to wash away the pie from my hair and ears and clothes. Lisa V responded, "Now you know how it is for us!" She squatted down, her lovely tanned legs protruding, to squeeze pie from her dress. We washed and washed and washed poor covered Keeley down. Lisa D had stripped down to her black panty underwear. It took at least a half hour to get cleaned to the point where I felt I could put my clothes on again. And, I had received only ONE pie! Imagine what these hard-working female sploshers put up with! We ran the water over Lisa V's cute hair, down her soft-sided back, along her arms, down her knickers, and on her stomach. She sparkled and glistened in the sun. Lisa D was hosed off by Lisa V. Pie seemed to stick to Lisa D for the longest of the four. Lisa V massaged the pie filling out of her short black hair, as she nearly bended her back into a near semicircle arch. Lisa D stroked her legs and arms and stomach free of the pie. She, too, glistened in the wet sunshine. Keeley stood firmly by. We double-hosed her, from two sides simultaneously: front and back. Keeley so lover-ly looked aloof, holding her head high in great and justified self- esteem. The woman who had pied me deserved an extra special hosing from me and the other guys. She squinted as the water rolled down her face, over her eyes, over the tips of her breasts, and down her muscular stomach. The water and pie mix conformed nicely to her musculature. Watching her bend slightly forward tempted me to focus my faze on her soaked panties, firm buttocks, and long legs. And, did I mention how slippery this all was? Lisa V's and Lisa D's tiny feet, and Keeley's stronger, larger feet swished and slipped on the wet and greasy plastic. Standing on a slippery piece of wet plastic covering rocky ground forced us all to stand in place. The women's feet handled the terrain nicely.  They sloshed in the falling water and pie mess. The water careened betweened their toes and painted toenails. How dainty yet strong they were. So beautiful and elegant. I would have loved to have rubbed those feet over me, over my face, and have them stand upon my stomach. I would have loved to have caressed and rubbed Lisa V's and Lisa D's legs, to have hugged Keeley round the waist and back from behind her, just in the manner as she had gotten hold of Lisa D during the official video shoot. Though she had gone in, I would have loved to have sat with Tracie, her in her black bustier, our legs folded over each other, and smashing pie after pie into each others' faces and bodies. Though these are just fantasies, perhaps they will fill in emotionally what I am unable to express with observable detail during my final messy time together with the models. And, to have Sammi and Joanne join in exchanging wet and messy pleasures would have been even too much... too much to contemplate at this moment. Rolling around together on that wet mat, covered in pie and water, arms and legs going everywhere and between everyone... Reality jumped in between my fantasies and the models. My camera tripod fell over by itself. Not ANOTHER broken camcorder! At least, I had damage insurance on this rental unit, so it would not have cost me anyway. Had pie gotten into it? I rushed the camera inside, took out the tape and left it there for later inspection. Pie got onto everything, but not in sufficient quantity to cause damage. I was blessed. I had gotten all I wanted on tape of "messy misses". I returned to the shower-off area for a final hose-down. Sean and Steve had already finished.  Lenny, because of the size of his pied body area, needed more work. Billie needed more scrubbing due to the extent of his pieing. After a half hour of time and a few hundred liters of water, I felt I was clean enough to dress again.

WAMTEC Week, 1996 - Part 16

Goodbyes The frivolity had ended.  The men settled in to watch some replays of this week's events or to have a drink or smoke. 5 pm had descended upon Friday, November 8. I knew I had better get on my bicycle to leave. The six women were scheduled for a water video shoot at a local friend's house at 7 pm. So I had to leave soon. I really did not want to, not just because I was having such a good time, but also because I would be riding through very bad traffic back to my hotel. On his own accord, Billie extended an offer to drive me back to my hotel. I accepted. My choice was good fortune. For as we later drove back, we got caught in a tremendous downpour. Billie had to be back by 6:30. So, I now to quickly decide how to spend my final half hour at the WAMTEC ranch. I wanted to thank each of Joanne, Keeley, Lisa D, Lisa V, Sammi, and Tracie for putting up with me this week. I began with Lisa V. I nervously asked her for a final video "goodbye".  She gave me not just hers, but was so kind as to show me around to the other models. She wore long pajama bottoms and a white pushup bra, though she needed little pushing up. A towel wrapper her wet hair. Lisa V waved to the camera along with Lisa D. They thanked me for the flowers. "See you again next year," Lisa V promised me. "If there is one," I worried. Lisa V, in her infinite calm reassurance and prognostication, told me, "There will be. There always is." Bless you, sweet Lisa V. You dear thing. I wish it so. Lisa D wore a white tank top and white shorts as she said goodbye to me from the couch. She said she liked having me here this week. Her totally unabashed and innocently charming behavior, both during visitors' week and in the videos, is all I need to want to see her again and again in future videos and visitors' weeks. Another bond had formed between me and one of the models. Beautiful Keeley, strong, powerful, serious-looking but so unpretentious -- the one who had taken a chance with my sense of humor (by pieing me)-- lied asleep on the couch. She had had a long day and had more to do that night. I wished her a silent "Goodnight" and "Farewell". I only hoped she was dreaming of me and saying "goodbye" in the peaceful quiet of her mind. Sammi-- wonderful, silly Sammi lied asleep on another couch, barefoot, in green shorts and white tank top. My final live visage of the woman of my dreams. The woman who appreciated problems in the world that I feel alone in appreciating. So wise is she. Always on call to help her fellow human in need of assistance or slapstick. I predict great things for her. Lisa V led me to the back rooms-- the rooms that I have already mentioned that I dare never enter. These were the rooms where beautiful women with no makeup or clothes transformed themselves into astonishingly beautiful women in astonishingly beautiful outfits. Lisa V was so nice to me, since I had not even asked to invade the privacy of the back rooms. I felt a bond forming between me and Lisa V, leading me around and wishing for my return next year. Now, all my emotional bonds with these six stars were complete. Joanne lied on the bed in the back room. "I'm restin'," she explained, not too pleased about having to be dragged to another video shoot, an u/w video shoot in a pool, tonight. "We've all got to do it." I told her "Goodbye," and switched off my camera. It was probably hardest for me saying "goodbye" to Joanne, who, like Sammi, allowed me to ask her anything at all on Thursday night. She is a shining star of beauty, poise, intelligence, and stateliness on and off the silver screen. Thank you, Joanne, for allowing me to share this week with you. I had to say "farewell" to the last actress and model: Tracie. Lisa V led me into the other bedroom where Billie and Tracie were resting together in the dark. Lisa turned on the lights. I apologized for interrupting their sleep. I had to get Billie up, anyway, since he would be driving me home in a few minutes. Tracie and Billie smiled at me as they relaxed together. Tracie told me, "Thanks for the flowers, John. I'm just feeling a little bit tired, having all those pies in my face. It was my first year here. I had a wonderful time. It was nice meeting you." Tracie is a model's model. She is a dear, dear human being, insightful, and not afraid to take a chance at testing a person's sense of humor. I told her "goodbye" as she said, "Over and out." I took no more pics of the women. I thanked Lisa V once more. She'd be the last of the women with whom I'd speak.  As Billie got his shoes on, I took some pics of the great Kelly satellite dish. It sat on the roof of his house. This is the dish that captures all those wonderful WAMTEC cliptapes. Kelly's generous offers of a free cliptape for each commercial video I bought motivated me to purchase his commercial tapes faster and qualify to be here this week. I wish I had bought all ten of them in 1994. I have the satellite dish to thank for getting me at least to 1996. I also  took some pics of the garage. It was filled to capacity with all the clothes and shoes and props used in the videos. I ended my video recording of the WAMTEC ranch. I rushed around thanking and saying "goodbye" to the others.  Steve, thanks, for great conversation and for following us around with a camera or camcorder during off-hours when I and the others had put our cameras to rest. I look forward to seeing your master camera work when the commercial videos are released. Thank you, Mike, for making me feel not so alone by being another high-quantity-tape purchaser like myself. It was good talking to someone who was so relaxed and not tied up with setting up for the next shoot.  Thank you, and so long, Rob, for your assistance in driving me. Your sponsorship of sweater videos helps the genre of ALL wet and messy activities grow.  Goodbye, Sean: your directions and editing and vast knowledge of the film industry and of film itself make every one of these videos a winner. I thank you for your assistance and tour this week. Lenny: your money was the glue that created this week and held this week together. Thank you, so much, and thanks for your assistance in driving me and offering so many more times to do so. You were truly the jolly Santa Claus of WAMTEC Visitors' week. Billie: I look forward to seeing your skilled camerawork in the final product when the videos shot this week are released. I thank you for your kind words of praise during our conversations this week and your many offers of assistance with rides and cameras. Keep up with your multi-talented interior design work! You will go far. And, of course, finally, and most importantly of all, the man with whom I've had numerous internet conversations (as well as a few telephone ones)... the man who runs the whole show... the man whose property should be enshrined in filmmaking history...the man who continually cleans up after everyone else has grown weary... the man who mails to me his commercial and clip tapes faster than I even place my orders for them... the man who keeps me and all of us informed of domestic and international events, pictures, films, websites magazines, stories, gossip, models, computer software and hardware, and anything else you can name related to or that advances the cause of sexy wet and messy fun... the man from whom I've learned and gained so much in the past two and a half years... Mark Kelly. He is not a man: he is an institution. Thank you for allowing me to come down to Jupiter, Florida this week. So many of my friends are eager to hear of my exploits. I have you to thank. Bless you, a thousand times over, bless you. I shook Mark Kelly's hand for the final time. Goodbye and take care. We will be a phone call away. Billie loaded my bicycle onto the back of his pickup truck. We drove off as I took my last look at the ranch buried in the forest. Lots of happy memories drove off with me. As Billie and I drove, a tremendous downpour occurred. A last chance to get totally wet?  Or was it the Gods of Florida giving closure to the wettest, sexiest, and messiest week of the year? Billie asked what I'd be doing the next day. Just travelling back on train. I told him I'd love to stay, but... it was time for me to go. We arrived at the Pa Ja Villas motel. I disembarked as Billie helped unload my rental bicycle. We told each other "Goodbye" for a final time. We commented how we hoped to see each other again. Next year, perhaps?  Billie got into his truck, waved, and drove off. It was over.

WAMTEC WEEK, 1996 - Part 17 (conclusion)

Final Thoughts I have been reporting Aqua Entertainment & WAMTEC 1996 Visitors' Week on behalf of the thousands of you wet and messy fans who were unable to be in Jupiter, Florida the week of November 4th through 8th. I wanted to bring home to you as much detail as possible (without actually bringing home the models!) of what it was like to be there. Where I omitted factual details, I tried to make up in dramatic or emotional ones. My feelings were honest, even when not being serious with facts. So, I hope you all are motivated to run out to your post offices and purchase lots and lots of tapes from Aqua Entertainment or the other producers of messy fun, e.g. Messy Fun. I put this plug here NOT because Mark Kelly is giving me free tapes in return (he's not-- honest), but to warn you about going to a sploshing visitors' week at Mark's house (if there will be one) or a Splosh Day in England. For me the final toll of this very unique and unusual vacation was very close to $1000. One must sum up ALL the costs associated with such a trip: the round-trip train fare, transportation rental, hotel for 6 nights, camcorder rental, camcorder repair (a hazard of slippery floors), painful earache and treatment (from going into the pool so much), flowers for the women, film, and, in October, a last minute rush to purchase enough tapes to qualify to visit. A thousand dollars is more than I have spent on all my SSS tapes combined, and about how much I've spent if I throw in half of my other messy tapes. So, be forewarned: going to Florida (or England) is NOT the most cost effective way of fulfilling your fantasies of seeing these lovely sploshing stars in action. Of course, I suppose, this does not apply if you already live in Florida or England. But, you are probably like me and live in places (i.e. New Jersey), rather than tropical paradises (i.e. Florida or England), where one cannot run out to a mud pit for instant self-gratification.  It is much wiser to purchase the videos (and magazines like "Splosh" and newsletters like "WAM News"), or to stick around on the internet for stories or pics or exchange of gossip and ideas. This will be your closest bet to getting instant self-gratification, and, Mark Kelly will see to it that you get instantly gratified within five days to a week. Being in each person's presence was priceless. We all shared a common interest and probably a lot of common dreams. Though you might think it overly sentimental, I wish to enumerate (and thank once more) in a convenient place the cast of characters who showed up for this wonderful week.

I wish I could have printed all the last names. I printed those last names already mentioned in postings by Mark. So, here, in semi-alphabetical order: